


All Bets Are On

by ladystarsky



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Humor, NO ONE KNOWS, Slow Burn, amy is confused why she would like dumb but sweet jake, is this a slow burn? or are they just dumb, its all very hard, jake is dumb but sweet, lots of fluff and humour can you tell???
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:08:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 28,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23709667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladystarsky/pseuds/ladystarsky
Summary: “And you wonder why your debt is crushing,” Amy comments, and Jake turns around to give her the stink eye.“I don’t wonder, Amy, I know exactly why my debt is crushing me, and it’s because of all my luxurious spending, so jokes on you.”“That’s not a cool brag, Jake.”"You're not a cool brag."“Enough.” Professor Holt says, and both are silenced. "Now, shall we continue with today’s lesson?”“Yes, sir!” Amy yells way too excitedly. “Please keep going.”“‘Yes sir please keep going’; congrats guys, we found the title of Amy’s sex tape!” The class laughs and Jake turns around to give Amy a wink.-In which Amy buys all three textbooks, Jake buys none, and Jake still somehow manages to do better than her.
Relationships: Gina Linetti & Amy Santiago, Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago, Ray Holt & Jake Peralta
Comments: 87
Kudos: 161





	1. INTRO: Amy Santiago

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introducing Amy Santiago.

BEGINNING OF SEPTEMBER.

Amy Santiago clutches her three textbooks tightly to her chest as she quickly walks through the doors of her Criminal Law class. The Professor—Professor Raymond Holt—doesn’t even glance up at her from his desk ( _What a power move,_ Amy thinks) but simply continues typing away on his laptop. Amy stops directly in front of Holt’s desk, waiting for _him_ to decide he was ready to talk. After a few painstaking seconds, the Professor's fingers cease typing and Holt lifts his head, eyes meeting with Amy’s.

There’s an awkward silence.

“Is there something you need, Miss…?” Holt trails off, signalling Amy to speak. Amy clears her throat and gives the Professor a pleasant and hopefully a not-too-excited smile.

“Santiago. Amy Santiago, sir. I’m in your Criminal Law class. Or rather, I will be. Because class hasn’t started. Yet!” Amy involuntarily releases a high pitched giggle. Holt looks at her expectantly and possibly not amusedly. It was hard to tell. _Get it together, Amy._ “Uh, anyways, I just wanted to say how honoured it is to meet you and how glad I am that you’re teaching my class. Your husband, Professor Cozner, is actually my Civil Rights Clinic Professor, which I had on Monday, and let me just say how elegant and efficient his teaching style is—” 

“Thank you, Miss Santiago. That is quite enough. I will pass the compliment on to my husband.” There’s a pause while Holt simply stares at her, face unreadable. _This man would be excellent at poker,_ Amy thinks. “You do know my class does not start for another hour?” Holt says this possibly amusedly, and Amy feels the blood rush to her face. Of course she knew class didn’t start yet, she just wanted to get here before everyone else and make a good first impression with Holt.

“Yes, I do, sir. I wanted to be here early and have everything already prepared and ready to go before class started.” Amy smiles nervously at him, praying he doesn’t see how sweaty her armpits are (she made sure to wear layers so if she did stress sweat the sweat wouldn’t be visible). Holt nods curtly at her and lifts his hand, gesturing to the seats before him.

“Very well, as long as you are not disruptive. Take a seat, Miss Santiago.” Amy murmurs a quick ‘thank you’ before shuffling towards the seats. She walks not very far to the center first row and sits three seats in, directly in the middle of the class and in perfect eyesight alignment with the professor. Satisfied with her seat choice, she plops her three textbooks down that she bought specifically for this course (the course website said you only needed the one and the other two were optional, but she knew better than to trust _websites_ ) and starts unleashing her brand new stationary she also bought specifically for this course. Next, Amy pulls out the new binder she bought at the stationary store near the university and feels content at how heavy the binder already is (before school had started she printed out the syllabus and anything she could find online and in the libraries related to Criminal Law just so her binder would be stuffed). Amy was well past well-prepared (she had also finished reading all three textbooks before school started) and felt confident that she could answer anything Holt decided to throw at her.

“Are you sure _that_ is where you want to sit, Miss Santiago?” Amy’s head snaps up and her eyes go wide as Holt stares at her, left eyebrow slightly raised. Amy opens and shuts her mouth like a snapping turtle. She doesn't know what the left eyebrow slightly raised means yet, and makes a mental note to figure that out.

“Noooooo of course not!” Amy cries in a pitch too high. “Was just seeing the...the angles...and things...quality of the seat.” Amy quickly starts gathering her things off the desk as Holt looks on, possibly amused.

“I would think the optimal seat in the classroom would be obvious to someone like you, Miss Santiago, or am I wrong to trust my husband’s opinion of you?” Holt stands and moves out from behind his desk and towards the doors. “Speaking of my husband, I am going to go see Kevin for lunch. I expect that when I come back you have figured out which seat is best.” Holt leaves and Amy feels her whole body become the living embodiment of panic as she looks around wide-eyed at a _very_ big classroom.

“They _discussed_ me?” Amy squeaks to the empty class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any and all feedback appreciated. :') will post jake's intro in a day or so, then the real story begins.


	2. INTRO: Jake Peralta

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introducing Jacob 'Jake' 'Pineapples' Peralta.

SEPTEMBER: Three Weeks In.

“Peralta, I can hear you crawling into my classroom.” Jacob Peralta (better known as ‘Jake’ or ‘Pineapples’) stops crawling and stands up to face Professor Holt, disappointed frown formed on his face.

“But I was so careful this time! I even put less stuff in my bag so it wouldn’t make the scrapey noises you heard last time.” Jake moves towards the center front row and shuffles his butt three seats in before sitting down. Professor Holt, who was writing notes on the board before the interruption, puts down his chalk and turns to face Jake.

“Should I be concerned that you are not bringing the necessary materials to class?” Holt asks with a raised eyebrow.

“What? No, look, I have my ‘necessary materials’ right here,” Jake pulls his bag up and yanks it open to show Holt that there are _plenty_ of necessary materials in his bag; potato chips, gummy worms, fruit roll-up, a blue drink. “I just took out all the useless stuff I didn’t need. Life hack.”

“You mean our textbooks? And things _actually_ relating to the course?” Amy Santiago chimes in from the peanut gallery, and Jake turns around and makes a face at her.

“I didn’t even buy the textbooks Amy, get your facts straight.” Amy sticks her tongue out at him.

“...Continuing on,” Holt says after a moment, and Jake swivels back towards the front. “It was your sneakers that gave you away. They squeak when they move along the floor, like that of a toddler’s.”

“My sneaks are not like toddler squeaky shoes, you take that back!” Jake points an accusatory finger at Holt, who looks back at him like the emotionless robot he is. “I spent like a grand on these babies.” Jake says, rubbing the tops of his sneakers like Holt had just hurt their feelings, and Amy-from-behind-him snorts.

“And you wonder why your debt is crushing,” Amy comments smartly, and Jake turns around to give her the stink eye.

“I don’t _wonder,_ Amy. I know exactly why my debt is crushing me, and it’s because of all my luxurious spending, so jokes on you.”

“That’s not a cool brag, Jake.” says increasingly annoying Amy-from-behind-him.

“You’re not a cool brag.” Jake mutters, and Amy thwacks him on the head from behind.

“Enough.” Holt says, fed up with their shenanigans. Both students are silenced. “Peralta, you asked how I knew, and I answered. If you are going to win this bet by the end of the week, you will have to start trying.” The class made ‘oooh-ing’ sounds while Professor Holt held up his hand to silence Jake when he began his objections. “Now, shall we continue with today’s lesson?”

“Yes, sir!” Amy yells _way_ too excitedly. “Please keep going.” Jake cringes inwardly as Amy’s cheerfulness about learning murders his brain.

“‘Yes sir please keep going’; congrats guys, we found the title of Amy’s sex tape!” The class laughs and Jake turns around to give Amy a wink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> where amy sits and why will be further explained as the chapters go on! additionally, so will holt and jake's bet.
> 
> obviously since these are introductions, the next chapter begins with a bit of a time skip in which the whole squad is friends already and things are dandy.
> 
> any kind of feedback is appreciated! love yalls.


	3. THE BET: Jake and Amy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jake and Amy make a bet.

MID OCTOBER

“All hail King Peralta!” Jake cries, and raises his hand for a high-five that Charles Boyle immediately slaps. Jake waves his essay papers around rapidly, and Rosa Diaz snorts.

“What’d you get, Jake.” Rosa states this more than asks it because she knows that if no one says something soon, Jake will get more and more obnoxious to the point where she’ll have to rough him up to shut him up (again).

“Feast your eyes upon a perfect A-minus, Miss Diaz.” Jake says in a terrible Holt impression as he thrusts his papers at Rosa, who snatches it up and stares at the perfectly handwritten ‘A-’ and ‘Good work, Jacob.’.

“Damn, Jake, that’s actually impressive.” Rosa skims through the pages for any of Holt’s notes while Charles and Jake begin dancing around like lunatics. Amy from behind them slams down her own essay that’s marked with a ‘B+’ and an ‘Adequate work.’.

“What? The highest I heard Holt gave out was a B-plus in the other class,” Amy says in disbelief, before flinging herself over the desks to the first row and grabbing Jake’s essay out of Rosa’s hands.

“What the hell Amy, I was reading that!” Rosa reaches out towards Amy who swats her hands away like flies. Rosa glares. “I need to improve, I can’t let Jake get better than me. Look at him,” Rosa nods towards her left where Jake and Charles are currently flinging their limbs rapidly around them and singing some made-up song about how great Jake is. “Makes me wanna stab something.”

“Well me too! But I need this more.” Rosa huffs but gives in, and Amy begins speed-reading Jake’s essay. After what seemed like ten seconds, Amy promptly rolls up the essay and walks briskly past Rosa. Amy lifts her arm and bonks a dancing Jake squarely on the head.

“Ow!” Jake yelps, turning around as he rubs his head. “What do you want, Amy? Can’t you see Charles and I are currently inventing a new victory dance?”

“We call it ‘The Spread Eagle’,” Charles supplies unhelpfully, which results in Amy bonking  _ his  _ head, Jake yelling “Charles, no!”, and Rosa throwing her notebook at him.

“How did you do so well on your essay?” Amy demands at Jake as Charles rubs his wounded head. “You didn’t even buy the textbooks, and you’re late almost every class! Also, you’re disruptive!”

“First of all, I don’t need to buy the textbooks because Charles already bought them all.” Jake holds out his hand for a high-five, in which Charles complies with almost immediately.

“You got it, buddy!” Rosa raises an eyebrow at Charles that says “Really?”.

“Second, I did well on my essay because my essay is amazing, what kinda question is that? Plus, you didn’t even need to read everything to finish the essay, the whole thing is just your opinion. I only read like five pages before I had an opinion.” Jake grabs his rolled up essay back from Amy and unrolls it, flipping to the last page where there’s a comment from Holt. “See look, ‘Interesting perspective.’”

“Oh my god, Holt loves you.” Rosa says with exasperation, and Jake grins. Amy huffs in annoyance and goes back to her seat to angrily pack up her things.

“Aw, Ames, don’t be mad that you read all sixty pages Holt assigned! You didn’t know any better! Hey, what’d you even get?” Amy gives him the stink eye but pointedly ignores him. Determined to see her mark, Jake tumbles his whole body over the row behind him in an attempt to go after her and lands beside angry feet that kick him in the ribs. After whining for a bit, Jake finally sits up and, eyeing Amy’s essay on her desk, snatches it up and attempts to run away.

“Jake!” Amy begins clawing at Jake’s arms like an animal, almost causing him to trip and tumble down the steps. “Give it back,” she snaps, irritated, but it was too late as Jake flips to the front page and sees the stupid B-plus Holt gave her. Surprisingly however, he doesn’t gloat or anything or expose her mark to the whole class like the jerk he usually is, but instead stops fighting her cat claws and hands back her essay, an odd look on his face. Amy hesitates for a second before snatching it back.

“Thanks,” Amy says bitterly, and begins the procedure of putting it in her binder.

“Chin up Ames, your mark’s not even bad. You still did better than Charles and Rosa.” Jake comments, leaning up against the desk. “Charles did all the reading like you did and still got a C.”

“Isn’t that because he wrote about how one of his cousins got arrested for stealing cow feces, but then when his cousin explained what he planned to do with the cow feces, it was so horrid that he received a harsher sentence and mandatory psych counselling?”

“Oh god, he told you too? That image was stuck in my brain for three days.” Jake shudders before shaking his head. “Okay, Charles was a bad example. But what about Rosa?”

“What about Rosa?” Rosa asks out of nowhere, and Jake and Amy both jump.

“Nothinnnnng.” Jake and Amy say simultaneously, and Rosa narrows her eyes at them but says nothing more, returning to her conversation with Charles about what movie they should watch tonight.

“Look Jake, I have seven brothers, one of whom did this class and scored 99 percent in the course. He had a different teacher, but still.”

“So?”

“So,  _ I _ need to do better than that 99 percent.” There’s a silence while Amy begins fiercely stuffing everything in her bag and Jake just sits there staring at her like she’s a lunatic. “Stupid David, always on the stupid fricken mantel.” Amy mutters angrily to herself. Jake sighs.

“Alright, calm down you psycho. You wanna know why you did absolutely _ terrible _ on your essay?”

“Because I  _ actually  _ did the reading Holt assigned?” Amy spits back, and Jake snorts.

“Well yeah,  _ that _ , but also because you were probably boring. Holt doesn’t want to reread the textbooks in essay format, he wants to know what  _ you _ thought about. You were probably all like ‘oooh boring facts, look at this boring fact and the thousands of years of boring history behind it’.” Jake says the last part in a high pitched voice, trying to imitate how Amy sounds.

“I don’t sound like that.” Amy defends, but Jake merely waves his hand to dismiss her comment.

“Anyways, moral of the story: don’t read everything, don’t reiterate what you did read, and don’t be boring.” Amy bites her lip, genuinely considering what Jake had said.

“That… is actually helpful, if I ignore the insults and the not helpful parts.” Jake nods at her, grinning like he just solved world peace. “Thanks, I guess.” Amy gives him smile, and he rubs a hand on the back of his neck, almost like he’s embarrassed.

“Ah, well, you know,” Jake shrugs. “Have to make it a fair fight.” He stretches his arms behind his head and leans back in a relaxed position.

“Fair fight?” Amy squints her eyes at him suspiciously. “What are we fighting for?” 

“For who’s gonna have the best grade at the end of the year. Spoiler alert: it’s gon’sta be me.” Jake gives her a carefree shrug and Amy  _ knows  _ it’s bait but…

“I don’t think so, Jake. This was simply a fluke. You can’t expect to do well when you don’t do the reading, and there’s only two and a half months left until the new year. No way you can keep your mark up for that long. I know you.”

“You don’t know me, so challenge accepted. What are we betting?” Jake leans in towards her, and she can smell his stupid Axe body spray. Amy wrinkles her nose at him.

“I never agreed to a bet.”

“So you think I’m gonna win, _ Miss Santiago _ ?”

“Okay  _ Peralta _ , What are we betting?”

By now, Rosa and Charles have tuned into their conversation. “I got one. If Amy wins, she gets Jake’s thousand dollar toddler shoes.” Rosa says smugly, and Charles gives her a high-five.

“Alright, fine, but only because I know I’m gonna win. And don’t call them toddler shoes.” Jake huffs in annoyance, and Amy smiles sweetly at him.

“Toddler shoes.”

“You—!”

“And if Jake wins,” Charles announces. “Amy has to go on a date with him.” Amy begins making gagging sounds.

“Ha! Good one, Charles.” Charles and Rosa high-five while Jake looks mildly uncomfortable.

“Wait a minute, that’s not fair.” Amy says all of a sudden, and Jake raises an eyebrow at her. “A thousand dollars toddler shoes isn’t equal to a date with Jake.”

“Thanks, Ames.”

“Fine. Jake’s toddler shoes  _ and  _ he has to take you as his plus one at Holt’s dinner party.” Amy’s eyes go wide as she turns towards Jake, who has started making throat-cutting motions at Rosa.

“You got invited to Professor Holt’s end-of-the-year dinner party?” Amy practically screeches, and Jake winces.

“Rosa, I told you that in confidence!” Jake whines, and Rosa shrugs.

“Had to get you back for doing better than me on the essay,” Rosa says simply.

“It’s not my fault I’m perfect—” Jake cuts himself off at Rosa’s glare.

“So it’s settled!” Charles says, breaking the silence. “If Jakey wins, Amy has to go on a date with him. And if Amy wins, she gets his toddler shoes—”

“Very stylish sneakers that cost one grand of my hard earned money,” Jake sadly interjects.

“—and gets to be his plus one at Professor Holt’s end-of-the-year dinner party.” Charles finishes, and Jake and Amy shake on it.

“It’s on,” Jake says smugly, leaning in to intimidate her. “You’re about to go on the worst date of your life, and that includes being worse than that Tinder dude from a month ago.” Amy counter leans in, and that stupid Axe body spray smell is back.

“Nothing can be worse than that, but doesn’t matter, get ready to watch me burn your dumb toddler sneakers  _ and  _ go to Holt’s party and become his protege and top student.” Amy releases Jake's hand and wipes her own on her pants, grimacing. “Why is your hand sticky?”

“First of all, burning my sneakers? You’re better off selling them, they really did cost a thousand dollars. Second, really? Teacher’s pet?”

Amy flushes a light shade of pink. “I said protege!”

“Also the hand thing I am  _ actually _ sorry about. I accidentally left a piece of candy in my jeans when I washed it so the candy sorta melded with the jean fabric.” Jake shrugs like he didn’t just reveal how disgusting he is.

“Ew!” Amy cries, before wiping her hands on Jake’s already quite dirty backpack.

“Stop it—”

“Cool, Jake’s nasty and Amy’s got a thing for authority. I’m bored now. Can we go watch the movie?” Rosa says tiredly, and Charles starts bouncing with excitement.

“Rosa and I decided on ‘Something’s Gotta Give’!” Charles says, causing Amy and Jake to groan. “It has Diane Keaton—”

“— _ and _ it’s a Nancy Meyers movie.” Rosa finishes, glaring at both Amy and Jake. “So shut up. It’s better than that stupid movie that Amy chose last time.”

“Hey! Lethal Weapon was great. Jake loved it.” Amy pouts.

“It was pretty good,” Jake admits, and Amy beams while Rosa glares at him like he just betrayed her.

“That’s for ratting out my dinner party invite.” Jake says bitterly to Rosa.

“Whatever, the movie was cliche. Plus, it’s my apartment, which means my television, my movie choice. Now let’s go.” Rosa turns to leave, the rest of them following not far behind. On their way out, Amy grabs Jake’s arm and pulls him down slightly.

“Hey, did you really like Lethal Weapon?” Amy asks, and Jake laughs, a sound that gives Amy a twisty feeling in her stomach.

“Did you really like Die Hard 2?” he counters, and Amy scrunches her nose at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) hope you're enjoying the banter! next chap will be up in the next few days, so stay tuned. any kinda comments make my writing brain go crazy. :')


	4. Amy's Best Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amy's best friend is not Jake, but rather her pen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies that i post at random times, it's really whenever i feel the chapter is good enough to post haha.
> 
> anyways, enjoy!

“Heeeeey Terry!” Jake says loudly, getting back to his dorm from Rosa’s apartment at the god-awful hour of 2 am. Terry, who was sleeping like any other sane person, nearly falls out of bed at the sudden loud noise.

“Jake! What the hell?” Terry growls, throwing a pillow in Jake’s general direction. Jake holds up his arms in defense, but nothing hits him.

“What? It’s not my fault you decided to crash early.” Jake walks over the pillow Terry threw and to the bed across from him, taking a seat. “Anyways, what’s up man? How are you? Haven’t seen you all day.” Despite the room being dark, Terry can make out Jake sitting on his bed, bouncing a little and kicking his legs like a small child. Terry feels the annoyance seep out of him.

“I’m annoyed at you for waking me up but Terry does love friend catch-up time,” Terry says reluctantly, before slowly pushing himself up in an upright position. He leans over and turns on the lamp by his bedside table so they’re not speaking in complete darkness. “My classes finished early so I met up with Sharon for lunch. We went to that Japanese place you refuse to go to.” Jake makes a face at him.

“The food is raw, Terry! It’s all slimy and alive.” Jake shudders, and Terry gives him a tired look. “Anyways...it’s nice that you got to go out with Sharon. Things getting serious, huh? Maybe time to pop the question, get married, make me your best man?” Jake grins brightly at him, and Terry can feel the heat rise to his face.

“Look man, I’m still in school and she’s focusing on her career, I don’t think now's the right time. We can wait another year.” Jake is still looking at Terry expectantly, like he knows he’s hiding something. Terry sighs. “Alright, I’ve been looking at rings.”

“I knew it!” Jake cries in triumph, and Terry can’t help but crack a smile. “I knew you were planning to propose soon! Terry I’m so happy for you man, you’re like the only adult I know that’s cool.”

“Hey! I’m not that much older than you,” Terry defends. “We are  _ both  _ freshmen.” Jake waves him off. 

“Yeah, but you’re thinking of proposing, which is a very adult thing to do. Also, you have those neck muscle things,” Jake gestures to his own neck as an example.

“Jake I told you, everyone has neck muscles. Mine are just bigger.” Terry rubs his eyes tiredly. “Look, it’s late. We both should go to sleep—” He’s cut off by a sharp banging on the door.

“Open up! I need your help.” Amy Santiago’s voice whines from the other side of the dorm door, and Jake groans but gets up regardless. Terry decides this is his chance and slowly slides back down into bed.

“Ames, I know you can sleep by yourself, but if you insist—”

“No! Just open the door, Pineapples.” Amy demands, and Jake yanks open the door to see a very distressed Amy still in the clothes she was wearing at Rosa’s.

“Why didn’t you change yet? You’re usually in bed and sleeping already by the time I reach my dorm. And that’s impressive because we’re practically neighbors.”

Amy gives him a pointed look but answers anyways. “I know, but as soon as I got back I take my stuff out of my bag, which is when I noticed that I’d lost something on the way back.” The hurt in Amy’s tone sobers up Jake’s teasing mood.

“What is it?” Amy shifts uncomfortably in place. Jake narrows her eyes at her, as if trying to read her mind.

“If I tell you, you can’t laugh, okay?” Amy says worriedly, causing a worry line to appear on between her eyebrows. Jake frowns at her.

“Okay...” he says tentatively, now conflicted on whether to be worried or to start pre-maturely laughing at her.

“I lost my favourite pen.” Amy mumbles, and Jake just stares at her, face twitching. Amy narrows her eyes at him as his face looks like it’s battling off a huge grin.

“Okay, okay, okay, okay, okaaay.” he says in a suspiciously high-pitched tone, and Amy tilts her head at him, giving him an exasperated look. He sucks in his cheeks and stares at her.

“Since  _ technically  _ you didn’t laugh, I’ll let it slide,” Amy says begrudgingly. “But will you help me find it? I think I lost it halfway through the walk back to campus, and two pairs of eyes are better than one.” Jake pulls out his phone to check the time; almost 3 am. He shrugs.

“Sure.” Amy’s whole body seems to relax in relief, and Jake chuckles. “Thank god we don’t have classes tomorrow or I’d need to buy another dozen Red Bulls.”

“Those really aren’t good for you, Jake.” Amy says disapprovingly, but Jake just shrugs again.

“But they _ feel _ good for me, so win some, lose some. Plus the commercials say they’ll give me wings.” Amy shakes her head in amusement, and Jake gives her a goofy grin in response.

They stand in awkward silence before Amy speaks up. “Alright, can we go? It’s not getting any earlier.”

“Right. Lemme just say bye to Terry,” Jake turns around to see that Terry had fallen back to sleep during his and Amy’s interaction.

“Byeeeee Terry!” Jake cries at an obnoxious volume, before quickly shutting the door behind him. Amy frowns as she hears a large ‘thump’ from behind the door and an angry yell of “Jake!”.

“Alright, let’s roll, Santiago.”

“You forgot the ‘Miss’.” Amy points out.

“We’re not in class, you’re just plain ol’ boring Santiago now.” They make their way through the dorm halls and towards the closet exit, chattering about how ‘Something’s Gotta Give’ was actually a pretty good movie, though they would never admit it to Rosa or Charles. The two of them stroll out of the campus building and cross over the front turf, heading in the direction of Rosa’s apartment a block away. 

After a bit of silence, Jake speaks up. “Okay, I have to ask: What’s so important about that pen anyways?”

“It’s the pen I use to write all my exams with, so I guess it’s like my good luck charm?” Amy pauses, considering. “Also, I like how smoothly the ink comes out and glides onto the paper, you know?”

“Yes, totally, because I, too, am a pen enthusiast,” Jake says teasingly, and Amy sticks her tongue out at him.

“Whatever, Peralta.”

They walk in companionable silence for a few moments until Jake speaks up again. “Alright, so where exactly do you think you lost your magical pen?” They stop on the sidewalk, a couple minutes away from Rosa’s place.

“I’m pretty sure it was here where Charles grabbed my bag to attack that bee.” Amy glances around to confirm before turning back to Jake. “I mean, he swung it around like crazy, it was ridiculous. He had his own bag he could’ve used!”

“His is a backpack, Ames, your tote bag messenger thing was easier to grip. Also, he was protecting me. I’m deathly allergic to bees.” Jake defends, and Amy glares at him.

“Whatever. Start looking around this general area. And don’t be afraid to look in the bushes and get dirty.” Amy pulls out her phone and uses the flashlight to start looking. “It’s mainly a silver pen, skinny, but it’s got—”

“A black cap on top, yeah, yeah, I know what it looks like.” Jake says, waving a hand at her to stop. He takes out his phone and turns on the flashlight before crouching down on the concrete of the sidewalk. Amy turns to look at him curiously.

“Yeah. That pen.” she says, surprised that he knows exactly what pen she was talking about. They look around for at least twenty minutes, and while Amy find many disgusting (and honestly disturbing) in the area, she still hasn’t seen her pen. She turns to glance at Jake, who is knees deep in the dirty bushes. Amy smiles a bit, touched at how hard he’s looking.

“This is so frustrating. That pen is my best friend.” Amy pouts, decidedly giving up on the search and choosing to sit on the edge of the sidewalk instead. Jake, who was still crouched in a very dirty bush, comes over to sit beside her. Amy turns to look at him and starts giggling, causing Jake to frown.

“What?” he asks confusedly, and she points to his face.

“You’ve got dirt smudges on your face,” Amy informs him, and holds up her phone so he can see.

“Well you did tell me to get  _ dirty. _ ” Jake says suggestively, and tries to wipe off the smudges of dirt with his hands, which are also covered in dirt. Amy giggles again. She suddenly has the urge to lean on him, but figures it’s probably just the exhaustion finally getting to her. She turns on her phone screen to check on the time and internally winces; she would not be getting eight hours tonight.

“Anyways, thank you for trying. It was actually sweet of you.” Amy turns to look at him, and although it’s dark she can see a faint blush rise from his neck to his cheeks.

“Ah, well, you didn’t really give me much of a choice. You looked so helpless showing up at my doorstep, so sad, tears in your eyes—”

“I did not have tears in my eyes!” Amy punches him in the shoulder, causing Jake to clutch his shoulder dramatically and feign toppling over.

“After all my hard work of trying to find your best friend, Penny.” Jake whimpers.

Amy scrunches her nose at him. “Penny?”

“Yeah, it’s what I’ve called your pen. If it’s gonna be your best friend it’s gotta have a name, Ames.” He says this like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Amy considers it for a second before shrugging.

“I guess it makes sense.” Amy starts fiddling with her jacket zipper. “Well, I’m sad we didn’t find Penny, but this has actually been fun.”

“Yeah, apart from the fact that I’m filthy now. Do you think Terry will kill me if I trample dirt back into our dorm?” Jake looks down at himself, trying to make out just how much dirt was on his clothes.

“Yes he’ll crush your head like a grape.” Amy says without hesitation, and Jake puts his head in his hands. “Stop touching your face, idiot.” Amy grabs his hands away from his head, which is now more smudgy with dirt. “You can wash and change at mine and Gina’s dorm before you go back.” She realizes she’s still holding his hands, and quickly pulls away. He doesn’t seem to notice.

“You don’t mind the dirt?” He raises an eyebrow at her, surprised. “But you hate it when I have Dorito fingers.”

“Dorito fingers are disgusting, that’s why. But this dirt thing is technically my fault, so I owe you. Plus, it was all for nothing anyways.” Amy sighs. “I guess I can just buy another one. But it won’t feel the same. Emotionally, that is.” Jake looks at her and smiles, before reaching into his jacket and pulling out a shiny silver black-ended pen. Amy’s eyes widen and she snatches the pen out of his hands.

“You did find it! You jerk!” Amy smacks his arm. “You let me sit here all pouty for no reason.”

“It was very entertaining,” Jake says, half laughing, before slinging an arm around her shoulders. Amy tenses slightly at the sudden weight, and hopes he didn’t notice. “I actually found it when I hung my head earlier. It was just sitting in the crease here between the sidewalk and the road.” Jake points down by their feet. “But yeah, it’s your fault I’m dirty because if you had  _ eyes _ you would’ve found it sooner.”

Amy narrows her eyes at him. “I swear I checked that area a thousand times, I would’ve seen it.”

“Nope, because it was covered in dirt and other gross things and was not at all shiny. But no worries, because all the dirt's on my hands now, see?” Jake removes his arm from her shoulders to hold up his dirt-covered hands. Amy leans away from them, and Jake grins at her mischievously, giving Amy an uneasy feeling in her stomach. Before she can say anything, Jake launches his hands forward without warning and cups her face with both of his dirt-covered hands. Amy yelps loudly and pulls away, frantically wiping at her face.

“Why did you do that?” she cries, horrified, and Jake just laughs.

* * *

“Okay, you have to be quiet, or else Gina will wake up and murder me. She’s already told me how she’d do it.” Amy says quietly while she and Jake walk through the halls back towards their dorms. Amy had gotten most of the dirt off her face using her sleeves, but her face still felt dirty. She wonders if it was possible that Jake had forced the dirt to meld with her skin.

“Hmm, worrying, but not surprising. She once told me she would grind up peach pits in my food every day to slowly poison me over time if I forced her to watch ‘Die Hard’ one more time.”

“Wouldn’t you notice after a while that you’re feeling sick, though?” Amy asks curiously, and Jake nods at her in agreement.

“I said that too, and Gina said she’d get someone to tell me I have cancer and watch me deteriorate both mentally and physically.”

Amy wrinkles her nose at him. “Damn, that’s dark.”

“Yeah, but I pointed out that if I thought I was dying, I would be allowed to watch Die Hard every day ‘cause of that Make-A-Wish thing. Or I’d get to meet Bruce Willis and have him re-enact Die Hard live in my hospital room.”

“Pretty sure that Make-A-Wish is for children, Jake. But yeah, she’d look pretty bad saying no to a guy who’s dying.” 

“Right?”

“Well it’s more clever than mine. She said it doesn’t matter which way she murders me because only my binders will notice I’m gone.” Jake frowns at this, and Amy gives him a ‘what can you do it’s Gina’ look.

“Fun, okay, my childhood best friend is possibly a psychopath, cool, cool, cool. Moving on, do you know if she still has some of my old t-shirts in her closet? I don’t wanna shower and have to put my dirty clothes back on after.”

“I think she wore one when she painted our dorm walls, so probably at least one.”

“You’re allowed to paint the walls?” Jake asks excitedly, and Amy smacks him on the arm for being loud.

“No you’re not, now be quiet. I don’t feel like facing Gina’s wrath tonight.” Amy sticks her key in the lock to her dorm room.

Jake frowns at her. “If I’m showering isn’t it gonna be loud anyways?” Amy pauses and looks at him for a second, struggling with what to respond with.

“Shush.” She decides, and slowly pushes open the door to her room.

“Welcome, Jacob. Vanessa” Gina’s voice echoes from the dark somehow, and as the door opens wider to let in more light, the two of them see Gina sitting ominously in a chair in the middle of the room. “Did you really think you could get away with showering while I’m trying to sleep? Fools.” Gina crosses her arms across her chest. “What do you have to say for yourselves?”

“You’re awake, Gina, you’re not even trying to sleep.” Amy tiredly points out, but Jake just stares at Gina, confused.

“How’d you know I was gonna shower?” Amy turns on the lights and Gina shields her eyes for a moment, blinded.

“Dude, you’re so filthy I could see the dirt with the lights off. Of course you’re here to shower. I thought you were studying to be a detective.” Gina stops shielding her eyes and lazily gestures towards Jake’s dirt-covered body. Jake looks down and cringes, realizing how dirty he actually was. Amy casts him an apologetic look. “Now hurry up and wash before I have to murder Amy.” Gina snaps her fingers in a ‘get moving’ motion, which Jake quickly obliges to.

“What? Why me?” Amy says as Jake rushes past her and into the dorm bathroom.

“Because I don’t have any peach pits on me right now.” Gina supplies simply, then yells through the bathroom door: “Jake! I put a shirt and pants in there for you already.”

“How?” Jake’s muffled voice asks through the door, and a few seconds later the two girls hear the water start to flow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to everyone's kind comments! :) i hope you are all doing well in quarantine.
> 
> next chapter will be sometime in the next week.


	5. The Amy Problem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amy commits a crime against the law of Gina.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i still have no clue what i'm doing with this but i just love the idea you know? enjoy.

“So what was so urgent that you had to sprint out of the room and into the arms of Jake?” Gina queries, and Amy widens her eyes at her, a faint redness in her cheeks. While waiting for Jake to finish showering and leave, both Gina and Amy had changed into their nightwear and sat on their beds opposite each other to chat. Despite Gina’s murder plan for Amy, she honestly did like talking to her.

“I lost my pen and Jake was helping me find it, which he successfully did.” Amy holds up the shiny silver pen for Gina to see.

“I was gonna say ‘it’s just a pen’ but I see that it’s  _ the  _ pen.” Gina says knowingly. “Thank god you found it, otherwise I’d have to put up with your crying all night.” Amy actually laughs at this, and Gina cracks a smile at her.

They had an odd friendship.

“How hard do you think Jake is trying to not sing in the shower?” Amy asks playfully, and Gina smirks.

“He’s probably chewing his tongue as we speak.” Gina snorts. “When we were kids and he showered at my place he sung so loud my neighbors thought they lost their walls. Anyways, only reason he’s not doing it now is ‘cause your here.”

“Why would that matter?”

“Because you’d record him and put him on YouTube to make money off his horrible singing.”

“I wouldn’t do that.” Amy says defensively, then looks at Gina suspiciously. “That’s something you would do.”

“Correction: something I’ve done. Multiple times, in fact. Kid is real bad at singing.” Gina chuckles to herself. “All those views made me some good cash. Little Gina was balling.”

The door to the bathroom swings open to reveal a wet haired but freshly cleaned Jake in a sleeveless (and tight fitting, Amy noticed) Die Hard shirt and blue denim jeans. “Gina, why did you steal my Die Hard shirt?” Jake whines. “I thought I lost this like three years ago.”

“I thought if I hid the shirt you’d shut up about the movie. Obviously I was wrong.” Gina turns to look at Amy, who is currently a little pink and staring kind of obviously at Jake’s bare arms. “Anyways Jacob, it’s time for you to depart, otherwise you’re going to cause Amy an aneurysm.”

“What?” Amy squeaks, at the same time Jake says, “A what now?” Jake turns to look at Amy, who stares back at him, face blank. Gina decides she’s had enough.

“Whatever. Jake, get out.” Gina says bluntly, and Jake’s attention snaps towards Gina.

“Huh? Oh, right.” Jake goes back into the bathroom and grabs his dirty clothes, then heads for the door. “Night guys! Thanks for letting me shower, Santiago.” Jake grins at her before he leaves, slamming the door shut behind him. Amy and Gina wince at the sound, but continue to sit in silence for a bit, Gina narrowing her eyes at Amy in suspicion and Amy struggling to keep her face blank under Gina’s death stare.

“Um. I’m going to sleep now.” Amy says suddenly, and gets up to turn off the room light.

“Amy, Amy, Amy.” Gina tsks, and Amy turns around to her, annoyed.

“What, Gina. It’s almost 4 am and I want to sleep. Just because it’s a weekend doesn’t mean I don’t need the recommended eight hours.”

Gina holds up her hands in defense. “Woah, there, Santiago. I was just going to say, you could do a lot worse than Jake.” Amy’s hand falters on the light switch.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Goodnight, Gina.” The lights turn off.

* * *

Amy can’t sleep.

She’s laying there in her bed, listening to Gina snore and the wind rustle the leaves outside the window. She thinks back to tonight, how Jake had gone with her to find her missing pen. She thinks of him in the stupid sleeveless Die Hard shirt, and she thinks of what Gina had said to her before they had gone to bed.

She really  _ could  _ do worse than Jake Peralta.

But it was ridiculous; he was Jake. Pineapples. The dude who spent a thousand dollars on shoes that squeaked and who didn’t buy the textbooks or finish readings that were assigned. He was, dare she think it, her best friend almost. Probably her best friend. If she had to pick someone, it would be Jake, and then possibly Rosa next if she got to know her better (Rosa was incredibly hard to get to know, Amy thought).

In any case, it’s not like she had feelings for him. He was immature and silly but overall a pretty good friend. He was just a friend she found kind of attractive. Her best friend, whom she found attractive.

It didn’t matter anyways. She was fairly certain that guy in her English class, Teddy Wells, was coming on to her, and she was almost entirely certain he was going to ask her out. Amy smiled a bit at that. They had so many things in common, and everything that other people considered nerdy about her he thought was the best part of her. Amy decides she will ask him out for coffee on Monday, and let things roll from there. Satisfied, she rolls over, and almost screams as she sees Gina sitting up in her bed.

“Gina! What the hell, I thought you were sleeping.” Amy pauses, and she can still hear the sound of Gina snoring echoing through the room. “Are you still sleeping?” Amy asks tentatively.

“No, I couldn’t sleep because you’re thinking so goddamn loud.” Gina takes her phone out and taps on the screen, and suddenly the snoring sound has stopped.

“You had a snoring sound playing this whole time?” Amy says in disbelief.

“Yeah, helps me sleep. You didn’t think I actually snored, did you?” Gina chuckles. “Silly Amy, I’m perfect.”

“Go to sleep, Gina. I was actually trying to sleep, my brain just won’t shut up.” Amy rolls so she’s laying on her back.

“Alright, what’s bothering you? I need your brain to die so I can sleep. C’mon, girl talk.” Gina gets out of her bed and sits on Amy’s. Amy doesn’t move or look at Gina, but stares up at the ceiling instead.

“What do you think of Teddy?” Amy questions, and she can practically feel the confusion on Gina’s face. “Teddy Wells. The guy who sits in front of me in our English class.”

“Oh my god, Boring Teddy? That guy’s life is sadder than yours, which is saying something.” Amy kicks her legs in her bed a little, hitting Gina’s behind. “He’s soooo boring Amy, you can’t tell me you’re interested in him. We literally call him ‘Boring Teddy’.”

“No, you and Charles call him that. And he’s not boring,” Amy pushes herself up in her bed in hopes of getting on top of this conversation. “He’s just proper, which you don’t like.”

“He’s the kind of guy who’d eat the same thing every day because anything else would be ‘too much of an adventure for him’.” Gina looks at Amy, who’s frowning at her. “He said the most interesting thing in his whole life were his pilsners.”

“Again, you and Charles said that.” Amy says tiredly. “Teddy’s nice to me, he likes my binders and my stationary and how hard I work in school. We have a lot in common.”

“Why do you have to have stuff in common?” Gina says, frustration with Amy clear in her voice. “The only thing Mario Lopez and I have in common are our extremely good looks, and we out here thriving.”

“I still don’t fully believe you're actually in a relationship with him.”

“Well, best believe it girl, he’s coming to the party on Sunday.” Gina examines her nails.

Amy blinks at her. “The party?”

“Oh no, Amy-pants, were you not invited to the party?” Gina makes a pouty face at her. “Tough.”

“Whaaaaat? I don’t care about no party. Pffft. It’s cool.” Amy waves her off, and Gina looks at her, very unimpressed. Amy tucks her hair behind her ears nervously. “Just curious though, who else is invited? And who’s hosting the party?” Amy can  _ feel  _ the FOMO seeping out of her.

“Well, there’s Jake, Terry, Charles, Rosa, Justine, Maggie, Sophia, Aubrey, and I guess whoever they wanna invite. Also a couple guys from the football team, just to spice things up. No biggie, really.” Gina shrugs, then proceeds to look very thoughtful about who’s hosting the party. “Oh, and I’m hosting the party, so I guess I’ll invite you too.” Gina dodges Amy’s shoulder hit and gives her a cheeky grin.

“Thanks, Gina,” Amy says sarcastically, but she does sort of mean it; this would actually be a perfect excuse for her to ask Teddy to hang out outside of class. Maybe they could even get dinner before they go or—

“You’re welcome, but actually you’re only allowed to come on one condition: You can’t bring Boring Teddy.”

Amy stares at her, wondering if she had accidentally said her plans out loud.. “Who said I was going to?”

“Your thoughts did. I can hear them, Amy. I will not let Boring Teddy contaminate my living space.” Amy opens her mouth to respond, then closes it, frowning.

“Wait, the party’s in _ our  _ dorm?”

* * *

SATURDAY 8:00 PM.

Amy stands at the counter and taps her fingers impatiently.

It has been around ten minutes since Amy had ordered her coffee, and she’s beginning to feel very irritated about everything and everyone around her. It didn’t help that the barista who served her wrote ‘Lame’ on her cup either; it was either he hated her or the name ‘Amy’ was really hard to spell.

“Oh, hey, Amy!” a voice calls from behind her, and Amy turns around to see Teddy Wells holding a cup of coffee.

“Hey, Teddy! What are you doing here?” Amy says casually, and he blinks at her for a moment; they are both standing in a coffee shop.

“Uh, just getting a drink.” He gives her an awkward smile as he holds up his cup that reads ‘Thready’.

“Yes, well, I’d be getting mine too, if someone would just hurry up!” Amy says loudly, turning her head slightly towards one of the baristas. He looks up from his phone and rolls his eyes. “Anyways, um, what’s up? You got any plans for tonight?”

“No, unless you count reading my textbooks plans!” Teddy says jokingly, and Amy wonders if that’s what she sounds like all the time. “Why? You wanna do something?”

Amy stands there, mouth open, before she remembers that Gina had banned her from inviting Teddy. “Actually…” Amy bites her lip. On one hand, Gina might uninvite them both if she showed up to the party with Teddy, and she  _ really  _ wanted (or needed) to be at that party. On the other hand… the party was literally in  _ her _ dorm.

“Whatever,” Amy mutters to herself, before smiling up at Teddy. “There’s a party at my dorm tonight, if you’re interested. Gina’s actually hosting it. You should totally come,” Amy playfully hits his arm before instantly regretting it. They were not in the hitting arm stage yet from Amy’s perspective.

“Oh, I don’t know, I don’t think Gina likes me. She once called me ‘Boring Teddy’, then proceeded to tell me it was a typo. You can’t typo when you’re speaking.” Amy sucks in her cheeks, nodding.

“Yeah, okay, that’s not too great, but I want you to come, and it’s my dorm too. So you should come.” Teddy looks at her, contemplating for a moment before grinning at her.

“Alright you got me. Oh! I’ll bring some pilsners. I had some last month at a friend’s party and they are just the  _ best _ .”

“Great! The party’s at ten.” The barista puts her coffee on the counter and slinks away. Amy grabs her cup and holds it up to Teddy so he can see the name written on it. He laughs. “Anyways, I gotta go meet some friends, so I guess I’ll see you then, ‘Thready’.” Teddy laughs again, heartier this time, and it’s a nice laugh, it really is, but she doesn’t feel that twisty feeling in her stomach. Not like she does with—

“Alright, I guess I’ll see you around, ‘Lame’.” He holds his cup to her in a ‘cheers’ gesture before turning around, leaving the coffee shop with one last wave. Amy waves back, and stands there for a second, smile on her face, before realizing the coffee shop was practically empty. Which makes sense, of course, because only weirdos need coffee at 8 PM at night.  _ Time to go home and break the news to Gina,  _ thought Amy bitterly, and made her way out of the coffee shop.

* * *

SATURDAY 8:00 PM

“I don’t think I’ll wear anything else ever again.” Jake proclaims loudly, and looks at happily at himself in the mirror. “I can’t believe Gina hid this from me for three years.” He smooths down his sleeveless Die Hard shirt with both hands; the fabric was a bit rough, and it wasn’t the highest quality shirt, but it felt like home.

“I know! Imagine all the girls you would’ve gotten if only you’d have worn that shirt, Jakey.” Charles supplies supportively from where he sat on Jake’s bed, and Jake laughs.

“Yeah, totally, this shirt is the reason why Charlotte in twelfth grade wouldn’t go with me to prom.” Charles nods in agreement, face completely serious.

“Soooo, Amy’s gonna be there. What are you going to do, Jake? Huh?” Charles says suggestively.

Jake frowns, confused, and turns to face Charles. “Um, I’m going to say hi…? What?” Jake turns back to the mirror, admiring his shirt again. “What else would I say, Charles.”

“Well, you guys spent the night together on Friday, and you showered at her dorm. Isn’t that romantic? You should’ve asked her to shampoo your hair.”

“Charles, no, that’s weird, I can shampoo my own hair. Also, yeah, we spent the night together  _ looking for her pen _ . Nothing happened, we’re just friends.” Jake runs a hand through his hair and purposefully turns away from Charles, conscious of the fact that his face was growing increasingly warmer the more he thought about the subject.

“But something could happen, Jake! You guys literally made a bet where if you win or lose, either way you take Amy on a date.” Jake turns to face Charles, and Charles gives him a look. Jake opens his mouth to argue, but he realizes Charles is  _ technically  _ correct.

“That wasn’t on purpose,” Jake decides on, and Charles huffs. “Look man, you gotta stop talking about me and Amy being—”

“Totally in love with each other?” Charles supplies unhelpfully, and Jake gives him a glare.

“Being anything but friends. We’re not like that. Plus, it’s gonna ruin my chances with Sophia.” Charles frowns.

“Sophia Perez?”

“Yeah, the girl I met at the coffee shop like a week ago. I told you about her, didn’t I? We’ve been texting a lot and I think she’s into me.” Jake points at his Die Hard shirt. “This is for her! She loves Die Hard. Although, she thinks the best Die Hard villain was Jeremy Irons. Not sure how I feel about that. I was actually tied between Timothy Olyphant and William Atherton, but I mean Jeremy could be a close second.”

“Fine, I guess she sounds pretty cool I guess,” Charles grumbles. Jake smiles; he would probably never admit it, but it did make him feel good when Charles approved of the girls he liked. “She’s not a freshman, is she?”

“Sophomore. She’s studying to be a lawyer.”

“Damn, get it Jakey.” Charles does look impressed. “I get to meet her right?”

“Yes, Charles, and I’ll get her to introduce you to some of her friends. I got you, buddy.” Jake smooths his shirt down again. “Okay, I’m done looking at how handsome I look. Let’s go. You got the alcohol?” Charles pulls his backpack closer to him and opens it up, revealing two full bottles of vodka.

“Yup. Also, how are we going to pay Terry back for getting it for us?” Charles asks curiously, and Jake just shrugs.

“I’m in deep debt with Terry already, you’re gonna have to handle this one, bud.” Jake claps Charles on the back before quickly heading out the door.

* * *

SATURDAY 8:30 PM

“Gina, where the hell is my bed?” Amy says slowly, staring at where her bed has been replaced by a table full of snacks, drinks, cups, and speakers. Gina, who was currently hanging up a huge banner that read “#GHIVE” turned around and grinned.

“Amy! So glad you’re here. Did you bring the drinks like I texted you to?”

“Uh, yeah, they’re right here,” Amy pulls out two bottles of tequila. “Is the tequila for you?” Amy puts them on the table beside the other drinks, and Gina comes over to inspect them.

“Mmm, thanks Amy, these look great.”

“Okay, so, where is my bed?”

“Oh, it was in the way so I moved it. Don’t worry about it, girl.” Gina pats her on the head at an awkward angle, given that they’re the same height.

“Okay, Gina, I’m serious though, where is it?”

“I put it in Jake’s room. It was easiest place to put it. Honestly, you should be thanking me. Do you really want people spilling things and getting stuff all over your bed?” Amy purses her lips, trying to decide whether or not she was upset that Gina had moved her bed, or thankful that Gina had moved her bed.

“Whatever, fine, thanks. I need to tell you something, though, Gina—” Amy is cut off by Gina walking away from her and to the door, opening it up to reveal Jake mid-knock, and Charles standing behind him.

“Jake! Did you bring the drinks like I texted you to?” Jake holds up two bottles of vodka. “Thanks girl, put it on the table that replaced Amy’s bed.” Jake walks over to the table and places the bottles down while Gina and Charles huddle in the corner to discuss… something.

“Hey! So Gina told me she put my bed in your dorm…?”

“Oh, yeah, she said it was in the way or something. Dunno.” Jake shrugs, and looks up at the giant banner. “Hashtag G-Hive?”

“Yeah, she’s got a cult or something, I don’t know. Hey, listen, thanks again for helping me find my pen last night. That was really nice of you.” Amy reaches out and awkwardly pats him on the arm and tries not to notice how much muscle he actually has, despite his sickening eating habits.

“Yeah, no problem. It was nice. You know, hanging out with you, just us.” Jake smiles almost shyly at her, running a hand through his hair. He clears his throat. “Anyways, better get used to spending quality time with me, because I’m gonna win the bet. I actually did some of the reading last night after I got back.” Jake looks very proud of this fact.

Amy raises her eyebrows at him. “First of all, I find that very hard to believe, seeing how you hate reading anything that isn’t a comic book. Second, it was so late when you got back, what was it, like 4 AM?”

“I told you, I got Red Bull. Red Bull makes it so you don’t need sleep.” Jake grins stupidly at her, and Amy can’t help crack a smile.

“Those things are going to kill you someday, Jake.” Amy says fondly, and Jake nods his head in agreement.

“Yeah, but what a way to go.” Amy shakes her head at him.

“Listen, I kind of did something that Gina explicitly told me not to do and I don’t know how to tell her.” Amy chews on her bottom lip nervously.

“Oooh, what’d you do, Santiago? Break a rule?” Jake asks, very intrigued. Amy grabs his arm and pulls him into the bathroom, clicking the door shut behind them.

“So there’s this guy, Teddy Wells—”

“Boring Teddy?”

“Why does  _ everyone  _ call him that?” Amy complains, and Jake gives her a ‘because it’s true’ look. “Anyways, Gina explicitly told me  _ not _ to invite him, and I invited him.”

“Well why’d you do something dumb like that?” Jake asks unhelpfully, and Amy wacks him on the arm. “Ow! Sorry. Why doesn’t Gina want him here?”

“Because she thinks he’s boring.”

“Because he’s boring, right.” Amy gives him a disapproving look. “Ames, the first time I met him he showed off to me how organized his binders were.”

Amy frowns at him. “But I did that too, just last week.”

“Yeah, but that’s different, I literally  _ just  _ met the guy and he thought that was a good place to start our friendship. Spoiler alert: t’was a terrible place to start.” Jake looks at her expectantly, and Amy just shrugs, unsure of what else to do. “He’s boring, Amy!”

“Whatever, this still doesn’t help me with my Gina problem.” Jake purses his lips in thought.

“Y’know, she probably won’t even notice, there’s gonna be so many people at this party and it’ll be so crowded that boring ol’ Teddy will just slip by.”

“I hope so.” They stand there awkwardly in the bathroom for a moment. “Is Gina really dating Mario Lopez?” Amy says conspiratorially.

“I don’t know, but if she is, she’s being a terrible friend because she hasn’t introduced us.” Jake pouts, and Amy giggles.

“Maybe she’s scared you’re gonna take her man.” Amy waggles her eyebrows at him suggestively.

“Get your facts straight, Ames, I’ve moved on from Mario. It’s Bruce Willis now. That man is the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen.” Jake pauses. “I can say that, right? That’s not weird.”

Amy pauses a second. “No, definitely not weird.” she says sincerely.

“Right? Yeah, thought so.” There’s another awkward pause.

“Should we get out of the bathroom?” Amy suggests, and Jake nods.

“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea. This bathroom smells weird.” Jake exaggerates sniffing the air, as if that will prove his point.

“This is  _ my  _ bathroom, and it smells nice because of my air freshener.” Amy points to the candle-looking thing sitting on the sink counter.

“‘Angel Whispers’?” Jake reads incredulously. “What the hell is an ‘Angel Whispers’ smell and where can I buy one?”

“I don’t know, it smells nice, now get out it’s getting hot in here.” Amy pushes Jake towards the bathroom door.

“It’s getting hot in here title of your sex tape?” he says unhelpfully.

“OUT!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'd like to think amy and gina got this sort of really good friendship, despite gina's teases and jabs on amy's everything as amy knows that when it comes down to it gina really is a great friend. :)
> 
> any feedback i will thrive on. <3


	6. Gina's Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the party, pal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lo and behold: the santiago drunkenness scale.

SATURDAY 9:30 PM: Jake

“Hey, is Teddy here yet?” Jake says in Amy’s ear so she can hear him over the loud music, and she shakes her head no in an exaggerated motion. The party, despite starting at 10, was already filled with quite a lot of their friends.

“Borin’ Teddy is NOT in the house!” Amy cries, and Jake begins making shushing noises that Amy probably can’t hear because the music is really, _really_ loud.

“Ames, did you start drinking already?” Jake asks, and Amy yells an exuberant ‘Yes!’ in his face. Jake winces at the volume.

“Okay, so two on the drunk Santiago scale: stupidly loud Amy.” Jake says, more to himself, then turns to Amy. “Alright Ames, I’m gonna do you a huge favor.”

“What up?” Amy yells again in is face, and Jake wrinkles his nose at the strong smell of alcohol on her breath.

“Jesus, the party barely started like 10 minutes ago. Whatever. Amy, listen closely: four drink Santiago is _not_ who you want to meet Teddy.” Amy waves a hand dismissively at him, the other hand sloshing the alcohol in her red solo cup.

“I just got nervous about telling Gina I invited him, okay? It’s all cool. I won’t drink past three.” Amy says in a slightly lower tone, and Jake nods once.

“Okay, good. Now that my duty as your best friend is done,” Jake glances towards the door to see that Sophia Perez and some of her friends had arrived. “Sophia’s here, so how do I look?” Jake gestures to his sleeveless Die Hard shirt and his casual jean bottoms. Amy stares at him intensely, her gaze dragging up and down his body, and he feels his face grow warm.

“You look...not bad, Peralta. Go get her, tiger!” Amy cries, and leans forward and grasps his bicep. Jake raises an eyebrow at her, and she releases his arm. “Hmm.” she says, eyebrows knitted together like she was confused as to what just happened.

“Alright, you’re getting into a brand new category between the two and three scale: weird Santiago. So I’m gonna go, good luck with Gina!” Jake leans forward and gives her a light pat on the back before going towards Sophia, who was currently engrossed in conversation with—

“Charles! Hey buddy, whatcha doing?” Jake says nervously, and both Charles and Sophia look up at him.

“Ah, Charles was just telling me how if I hurt you he will personally come into my dorm and kill all my plants.” Sophia says lightly, and Charles nods.

“Cool, cool, cool, hey, Charles, I heard Gina say she hated the snacks you brought.” Jake looks towards Gina, who was currently trying to hide Charles’ food behind the many bottles of alcohol and red solo cups.

“That little minx!” Charles hisses, and begins pushing people out of his way as he moved towards Gina’s location.

“So sorry about that, he means well.” Jake says with a small smile, and Sophia smiles back.

“He’s very sweet.” She leans in towards Jake’s ear. “Also, I found someone we could introduce to him. She’s not here though, she’s studying for an exam, but I really think they’d get along based on what you’ve told me about him.”

“Noice.” Jake says, grinning wide. “Thanks, by the way.”

“No problem.” Sophia finally notices his shirt. “I love your Die Hard shirt, very classy.”

“Why thank you. Are you ready to admit William Atherton is the second-best Die Hard villain yet?”

“Not a chance, Gruber.”

“You’re the Gruber!”

* * *

SATURDAY 9:30 PM: Amy

“Okay, good. Now that my duty as your best friend is done,” Jake pauses to glance at the door, and Amy sees that Sophia Perez and some of her friends have arrived. “Sophia’s here, so how do I look?” Jake gestures to his sleeveless Die Hard shirt and his casual jean bottoms. Amy stares at him intensely, her gaze dragging up and down his body, and _wow_ is it the alcohol or does he look ten times better in the shirt than he did last night? Her eyes linger on his arms, and thank god it’s a dim room or he would definitely see how she was looking at him.

“You look…” Amy pauses, trying to find a word that wasn’t ‘hot’ or ‘sexy’ in her cloudy brain. “Not bad, Peralta. Go get her, tiger!” Amy cries, and before she remembers she can have self-control, she leans forward and grasps his bicep, which is very firm for someone with a diet that consists of cheetos and Red Bull. She releases his arm and says a confused ‘hmm’, and refuses to look him directly in the eyes.

“Alright, you’re getting into a brand new category between the two and three scale: weird Santiago.” Jake says, and Amy looks at him but he’s not looking at her anymore, but rather he’s very interested in what Sophia and Charles seem to be talking about. “So I’m gonna go, good luck with Gina!” He turns back and gives her a light pat on the back before fleeing towards their direction.

Right, the Gina problem.

Amy was two drinks in and a little tipsy but not _completely_ out of it. Bored and waiting for Teddy to show up exactly on time, she went to seek out her other friends in the slightly crowded room.

“Yo, Amy!” a voice called over the music, and Amy swung around to see Rosa walking over to her.

“Heeeey Rosa!” Amy says, possibly very loudly judging by the reaction on Rosa’s face, and tries to lower her volume. “How’s it going?”

“Well, we’re ten minutes in and you’re already two on the Santiago scale,” Rosa glances over Amy’s shoulder. “And Charles is currently attempting to fight Gina about the weird food he brought.” Rosa pauses, contemplating. “Party’s dope so far.” she concludes, and Amy laughs.

“Yeah, well, it’s about to get a little more interesting,” Amy says conspiratorially, and gestures for Rosa to lean in. “Gina banned me from inviting Teddy, but I did it anyway.”

“Teddy Wells? Boring Teddy?” Rosa asks, and Amy nods. “Why? He’s so boring.”

“That’s just what you all say, don’t mean it's true.”

“Not only is he boring,” Rosa continues, ignoring Amy’s comment. “He’s a stupid nerd. What kind of guy starts a conversation with, ‘Did you do the extra reading that was assigned’?” Rosa visibly shudders.

“But you call me a nerd.” Amy points out.

“Yeah, but not a stupid one.” Rosa’s lips curl up into one of her rare smiles. “You’re a cool nerd, Santiago.” Amy doesn’t know whether or not it’s because of the alcohol, but she beams at Rosa like she just gave her the biggest compliment anyone has ever given her. “Anyways, if you really like this Teddy guy, I’ll help you get past Gina.”

“Thanks, Rosa, you’re a good friend!” Amy thinks she might have yelled this, as Rosa suddenly looks like she regrets agreeing to help.

“Yeah, okay, stop yelling.”

* * *

SATURDAY 10:00 PM: Gina

“Charles, no, I told you we didn’t need your weird snacks!” Gina whines, and Charles grips tighter on the snack bowl, much to Gina’s dismay.

“You say that, but everyone loves my octopus balls!” Charles hits back, and Gina grips even tighter on the bowl.

“Charles! Stop calling them octopus balls!”

“ _That’s what they are!_ ”

“The hell’s going on?” a voice says from behind Gina, and she turns to see Rosa standing there, obviously judging them.

“Charles won’t let me hide his stupid octopus balls.” Gina grumbles, and Charles glares at her.

“Gina refuses to believe people like them.”

“Lemme try,” Rosa takes one from the bowl and pops it in her mouth. “Hmm.” she says, and with Rosa it’s hard to tell whether she hates something or if that’s her neutral resting face.

“Well?” Gina prods, and Rosa shakes her head.

“Sorry Boyle, these are terrible.” Rosa pats him on the back. “Look on the bright side, means there’s more for you.” Gina lets go of the bowl and Charles, who seems to have thought about it, sigh heavily.

“Fine. I’ll hide it behind everything else.” Charles walks back to the snack table while Gina looks on smugly.

“Thank you, Charles!” Gina calls after him, then turns to Rosa. “And thank _you_ for telling the truth.”

“Mmm.” Rosa says in agreement, and glances at the door before turning her attention fully back to Gina. “Hey, it’s your party, do what you want. Here, brought you some more alcohol.” Rosa holds up a red cup that seems to have appeared out of nowhere, but Gina’s not complaining. She gladly snatches the cup up and downs it.

“Woo! I’m gonna live forever! The G-Hive lives!” Gina cries, and half the people in the room cheer with her. Rosa grins at her.

“Here’s another one.” Rosa says, and hands her another magic cup.

“Hmm, you tryna get me drunk, girl?”

“Yes.”

“Alright.” Gina downs the cup. “Y’know, if I wasn’t totally into Mario Lopez, you and I?” Gina gestures between the two of them. “Super hot.”

“I don’t disagree,” Rosa smirks. “Speaking of Mario Lopez, didn’t you say he was coming?”

“Yeah, lil’ later though. He’s got some…” Gina waves her hand about. “Famous guy stuff. Y’know?”

“Sure.” Rosa looks mildly amused.

“Mmm. Let’s dance, girl, come on.” Gina begins dancing on the spot, perfectly in tune with the music of course. Rosa laughs and starts dancing as well.

* * *

SATURDAY 10:00 PM: Amy

“Heeeeyy it’s bor—it’s Teddy!” Amy cheers, and smiles brightly at him. “Hey Teddy!”

“Hey there, Amy, you’re a bit loud.” Teddy says, clearly amused, and Amy shrugs.

“I’m only a two on the Santiago scale. Just a bit tipsy.”

“Santiago scale?”

“Something my friends came up with. Hey, lemme introduce you to my friends!” Amy grabs his arm and drags him towards Jake, who may or may not have been in conversation with Sophia.

“What’s up, friends, this is Teddy!” Amy yells at them, and Jake laughs, and Amy grins wider.

“Hey Teddy who I already know, what’s up man?” Jake asks, and Teddy shrugs.

“Ah not much, actually, I have a question for you,” Teddy says, and pulls out a pilsner bottle from out of nowhere. “Have you ever tried a pilsner?”

“Pilsner?” Jake pauses for Teddy to expand on that, but he doesn’t. “I have not, no, what is it?”

“Pilsners are a type of pale lager. Fun fact, it takes its name from the Czech city of Pilsen, where it was first produced in 1842 by Bavarian brewer Josef Groll.” Teddy says happily, and Jake blinks at him, smile frozen on his face.

“Wow, that is...Whew!” Jake turns to Sophia. “Isn’t that a fun fact, Sophia?”

“Sure is!” Sophia says exaggeratedly, and Amy finds herself suddenly grabbing the cup of alcohol out of Jake’s hand and downing it. Jake opens his mouth to say something, but is interrupted by Teddy.

“You wanna try one?” Teddy asks Jake, oblivious to Amy climbing the Santiago scale to three: Amy dance-pants.

“Uh, sure, man, always up for new things.” Jake takes the pilsner bottle from Teddy and takes a giant swig. He looks mildly ill after a moment, but Teddy doesn’t seem to notice.

“Wow,” Jake grits out. “It’s pretty...yeah. It really hit me. Right in my...stomach.” Jake’s face looks like it’s in battle with itself, and Amy giggles a bit.

“Right? I love these things,” Teddy says happily, and pulls _another_ pilsner out of nowhere. _Where the hell were they coming from?_ Amy thinks. “You can keep that one.”

“Right, thanks, man. Hey, Ames, you’re getting a bit whacky here.” Amy turns her attention towards Jake, confused. “Hello, dancing Amy.” Jake says, almost fondly, and Amy realizes she’s been dancing this whole time and possibly been waving her arms around like a mad woman.

“Well, it was nice talking to you. Amy, I’ll be right back, just gonna drops these off at the drink table.” Teddy holds up a bunch of pilsners that seem to have appeared from thin air, and Amy stops dancing so his face will come into focus.

“Huh? Oh, yeah, sure.” she says distractedly, and begins dancing again.

“Right, Sophia, do you want my pilsner?” Jake holds the bottle out to Sophia, who hesitantly takes it.

“Sure, thanks Jake.” Sophia says tentatively, and takes a pretty large swig for a drink she’s never tried. Her face crinkles in disgust. “Nope. I’ll be back in a bit.” Sophia rushes off towards the direction of the bathroom. Jake watches as she leaves and sighs.

“What’s wrong?” Amy says, slowing down her fiery dance moves, and Jake looks at her sheepishly. He runs a hand through his hair, and Amy has the sudden thought that his hair looks very soft.

“I don’t know, everything was great when we were just texting, but now that I’m here, with her, and her friends are here…” Jake gestures to the people dancing around him. “Her friends are kind of dicks.”

“Well, they’re all lawyers, think they’re better than us cops.” Amy says reasonably, and Jake chuckles.

“First off, they are not lawyers, and we are not cops, we’re all just students and they shouldn’t be so stuck up.” Jake shrugs. “Whatever. How’s it going with Teddy?”

“It’s alright,” Amy glances towards the bottle table where Teddy was currently trying to convince someone to take a pilsner. Amy turns back to Jake. “Is he really that boring?” she says in a lower tone, and Jake nods.

“Oh yeah, big time. But hey, if you like him, you like him. Can’t help who you like.” Jake’s expression is soft, and Amy feels her stomach do something internally. Probably the alcohol. “Even,” Jake continues. “If it’s the most boring guy in America.” Amy giggles, and starts dancing even harder.

“Amy, got you another drink,” Teddy says from behind her, and Amy turns to see him holding out a red cup.

“Actually, she—” Jake starts, but Amy snatches the drink from Teddy’s grasp and downs it.

“Thank _you_ Teddy! Woo! Four drink Amy in the house!” Amy yells, and then realizes what she’s done by the look on Jake’s face. “Oh no,” she whispers.

“Hey Teddy, do you mind if I borrow Amy for a second? Just need to tell her something.” Jake says, and Amy looks at him and realizes his hand is holding her arm.

“Oh, yeah, sure! I’ll go see how the guys are doing.” Teddy gestures to where some of the jocks Gina invited are huddled in the corner of the room. “See you later, Amy.”

“See you later, Borin’ Ted.” Amy says as he retreats. “Mmmm, look at that man go, that ass—”

“Ames, let’s go to my dorm for a second.” Jake says quickly, and begins leading Amy towards the door.

“Ohhhhh, I see, you want a piece of this,” Amy gestures to herself and puts on her best seductive face. “Alright, I’ve thought about it too, let’s get it on, dog.” Jake’s eyes widen at this, and Amy counts it as a score.

“What? I—no, Amy, what? Stop it.” Jake’s face is definitely red. “Look, I’m just gonna get you some caffeine to bring you back down from this... sexually inappropriate Amy.”

Amy giggles. “You said sex.”

“ _Come on,_ Santiago! Get it together.” Jake says exasperatedly, and Amy realizes they’re at his dorm already. Unlocking the door, Amy slips in and Jake turns on the lights.

“I’m pretty sure Terry’s got one of those Starbuck frappuccino bottles in the mini fridge,” Jake says, more to himself, Amy thinks, as she currently stares at the three beds in the room.

“That’s my bed,” Amy points out, and Jake turns away from the fridge to look at the room. Amy’s bed, which Gina had moved in here to make room for the drinks and food, was placed directly beside Jake’s bed.

“Yes,” Jake says slowly, and hands Amy the frappuccino bottle. “Huh. Well, obviously Terry moved it here, and I can’t move it back myself, soooo…” He pauses. “I guess you’ll sleep here tonight?”

“Mmm, you wanna sleep with me, Jake?” Amy says around the mouth of the bottle, and Jake raises an eyebrow at her.

“You’re gonna thank me later for stealing you away from Teddy.”

“How d’you wanna be thanked?” Amy winks at him. “Hmmmm?”

“Okay, drink your coffee, pervert Santiago.” Jake mutters, and Amy can clearly see the pink in his cheeks. She takes a seat on her bed and obediently drinks her coffee. Jake takes a seat beside her and they both sit in comfortable silence for a while.

“What do you think of Sophia?” Jake asks suddenly, and Amy pauses mid drink, thinking.

“She’s a hot little thang...” Amy trails off, and Jake laughs a little.

“Yeah, she is, but like, her personality, Ames.”

“Oh, hmm. She’s nice, funny, I guess. I dunno, don’t really know her that well, I only know what you’ve told me about her.” Amy takes another sip. “She likes Die Hard, hot wings, and you met her at the coffee shop because you both had the same drink.”

“That was cool,” Jake says, and leans back to lay down on her bed. He stares at the ceiling for a second, silent. “I don’t know. She’s really cool and all those things you said, and not to sound braggy but I’m pretty sure she’s into me, but like…I don’t know.”

“You just don’t feel it with her. Like, _that_ _feeling_. Sexually.” Amy says seriously.

“Yeah, it’s a certain feeling I’m missing. Not a sexual one though, a different one.” Jake sits back up and looks at her. Amy takes another sip of coffee. “Why do you like Teddy?”

“I dunno. I thought he was just like me, with his love for binders and rules and homework, but after talkin’ to you guys about how you call him ‘Boring Teddy’, I realized that’s all he kind of talks about.” Amy shrugs. “He borin’.”

“He borin’.” Jake agrees, and they look at each other and smile.

“He’s got a cute ass, though.” Amy says thoughtfully, and Jake laughs.

“Keep drinking, Santiago.” Jake says softly, and Amy continues to chug her Starbucks frappuccino while Jake looks at her with this strange look in his eye and _wow_ Amy notices his eyes are a pretty nice colour of light brown.

“Your eyes are brown. Light brown.” Amy says quietly, and Jake nods slowly at her.

“And so are yours. A bit darker brown though, more like chocolate...” Jake trails off, but he’s still looking at her. His expression is hard to read, and Amy figures that maybe if she were sober, she would know what it meant.

“You’re a hot piece of ass,” Amy whispers, and Jake seems to choke on the air around him.

“I don’t think the caffeine is working,” Jake mutters, but his face is flush again and this somehow makes Amy want to _not_ get sober. He’s still looking at her though, and she finds that the distance between them isn’t as big as she thought it was a few seconds ago.

“Jake?”

“Hm?”

“Uh…” Before Amy can continue however, the door bursts open to reveal Gina. Both of them snap their heads towards the door at the sudden noise.

“Amy Santiago, you invited Boring Teddy!” Gina booms, and Amy blinks at her for a second, trying to register what the hell was happening.

“Huh?”

“He’s gonna ruin the party with his stupid fun facts! Some of the girls in my dance team already asked me if I’m friends with him! Why, Amy?” Gina clasps her hands together, a disappointed look on her face. “You’ve totally betrayed me, and now I’ll be forced to get revenge on you. Goodbye, Amy Santiago.” Gina retreats from the doorway, and the room is silent again.

“I mean, could be fun?” Jake says hesitantly, and Amy stares at him.

“I’m so scared that I’m sober now.” Amy says in realization, and Jake purses his lips.

“...Title of your sex tape?” he offers, and Amy falls back onto the bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter will be the aftermath of the whole party!
> 
> feedback always appreciated. :)


	7. Jake the Cop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You are ridiculous but I love it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter be hella long but they had a lot to say!! party aftermaths always be wild.
> 
> also, fun fact: i don't know what hangovers are like as i've never had one, only maybe a mild headache. some would say this is great, but i would say it is most certainly not, as not only do i have a mild headache but also the memory of all the stupid crap i did the night before.
> 
> suffice to say, ignorance is bliss.

Amy woke abruptly, head snapping up at the sudden loud noise that made her ears ring.

“What the…” she moans, and tries to roll over on whatever she’s sleeping on.

Except, the thing she’s sleeping on is _not_ a bed.

“What’s underneath me.” she whispers, mildly horrified and too hungover for her vision to be clear. Why was everything so freaking _bright?_

“Sh’tup, Santiago.” the thing beneath her murmurs, and Amy lets out an ‘eek!’ noise and frantically tries to push herself off the living being that is residing underneath her.

“Ow! Stop it. Jesus.” the entity growls, and an arm that Amy hadn’t realized was there tightens around her waist. Panic rises in her and she blinks furiously, trying to clear her vision so she can make an escape plan.

Except, when her vision _does_ become clear...

“ _Rosa?_ ” Amy squeaks, squinting her eyes at the life form that was currently holding her captive.

“What.” the life form, formerly known as Rosa, replies, and Amy lets her whole body sag in relief.

“Why are we cuddling?” Amy says, more calmly now. She lets her head rest on her friend’s shoulder, and she feels Rosa shrug in response from beneath her. Rosa is awfully comfortable, Amy notes.

“Drunk Rosa likes cuddling, seven drink Amy is a cuddler.” The arm around Amy’s waist shifts.

“Okay,” Amy says, and that does make a lot of sense. “Not that this isn’t nice, but can I get up now?”

“Fine.” Rosa releases her waist and shoves Amy onto the floor. Amy lands with a loud ‘thump’ noise and groans, her head spinning from the sudden movement.

“Ow!” a voice yells, and for a second Amy thinks it was her that made that noise. Only, it seemed to have come from beneath her. Amy looks down at where she rudely landed: a large pile of clothes. She tries to push herself off of said pile, only to have the clothes beneath her start moving in protest.

“Who’s there?” Amy says to the pile monster, and makes a mental note to never drink again.

“I think I’m Jake.” a muffled voice says from under the clothes. Frowning, Amy sits up and starts throwing the clothes away from the area.

“You _think_ you’re Jake?” Amy says, amused, and Jake, who is now visible, blinks up at her. He’s still got his Die Hard shirt on, but there’s a large stain where Bruce Willis’ head is. Amy wonders how Jake’s going to react when he sees his beloved shirt was ruined last night.

“Mmm, hard to tell.” Jake rubs at his eyes and squints up at Amy. “If I’m extremely good-looking, then I’m Jake. Am I Jake, Amy?” He grins lopsidedly at her, eyes still unfocused, and Amy can’t help but find it charming somehow.

“Don’t make me bury you again.” Amy teases, and moves to stand up. She teeters a bit but overall is pretty steady for someone who was blind and delirious a couple minutes ago. She holds out her hand to Jake. “Rise and shine, sleeping beauty.” Jake grumbles but grasps her hand anyways, and she pulls him up to a standing position. He also teeters, but manages to stay standing.

“Hnnng. Why is our room moving?” Jake croaks, and looks around. “This _is_ my room, right? Amy, is there a Die Hard poster here?” Amy glances around the room for the first time and realizes what a mess it actually was. There were splatters of a mysterious substance all over the walls, and looking closely the walls were actually _dented_ from whatever container the substance was in before it hit the wall. Her eyes roam the room until it settles on a large poster that is plastered on the wall above the bed Rosa is sleeping on.

“Ummm, yeah, but Jake… Okay, don’t freak out.” Amy says slowly, and grabs Jakes shoulders to position him in front of the poster. Amy watches as Jake’s eyes widen in horror after a moment.

“NOOOOOO!” Jake cries in anguish, and Rosa bolts up at the sudden noise.

“I’ll kill you.” Rosa says automatically, but Jake seems too horrified to even respond. Jake’s Die Hard poster had been brutally vandalised; written in sharpie right over Nakatomi Plaza were three large words: DIE HARD SUCKS.

“WHO DID THIS?” Jake cries out again, and leans forward to touch the poster. “I’m so sorry,” he whispers, heartbroken, and Amy can’t even bring herself to laugh at the ridiculousness of it.

“Jake, we’ll get you another one. It’s okay.” Amy says soothingly, and Jake turns back to her, face now furious.

“I will find whoever did this and end them!” Jake announces, and turns to face Rosa, who was still looking at him like she would really love to murder him. “Rosa! Do you wanna join my fight for justice?”

Rosa brightens a bit at this. “Hell yeah. Can I use my throwing stars? I wanna try ‘em out.” Rosa reaches into her leather jacket and pulls out an actual throwing star.

“Huh. You know what, I’ll get back to you on that. But good to know.” Jake says cautiously, and Rosa nods, putting the star back in her jacket. “Alright, it’s time to solve this crime like cops.” Jake turns to Amy. “Ames, help me gather the squad. We’ll meet up back here in 20 minutes.”

“The squad?” Amy asks confusedly, and Jake just sighs.

“You know, the gang, the fam. The six musketeers.” Jake looks at Amy expectantly. She merely raises an eyebrow at him. “Whatever, Amy, you ruined it. Just help me find Charles, Terry, and Gina, okay?”

* * *

“I bet you’re all wondering why I’ve gathered you here today.” Jake says seriously, and the ‘squad’ stands before him, tired and extremely hungover.

“Jake, I’m tired and extremely hungover. What’s going on?” Terry exasperates, and Jake waves him off.

“We’re all tired and extremely hungover, okay Terry? But a great crime was committed last night, and since we’re all cops—” Jake holds his hand up in front of Amy’s face to cut her off. “Since we’re all _gonna_ be cops—”

“Hi, actually, I’m learning the art of dance and _will_ be attending the Julliard School next school year.” Gina interjects, and Jake glares at her for ruining his rhythm.

“Fine, whatever. Point is: We have a case!” Jake turns around and points at the Die Hard poster hanging above his bed. “This morning I woke up under a pile of clothes and Amy on top of me.”

“I _fell_ on you Jake, after Rosa rudely pushed me onto the floor.” Amy sniffs, and Rosa merely rolls her eyes.

“You wanted to get up, I helped you. You should be thanking me.” Rosa looks at Amy like she’s being incredibly rude, and by the look on Amy’s face Jake can see that she is one second away from actually thanking Rosa.

“Um, anyways,” Jake interrupts awkwardly, and the attention turns back to him. “Amy was on top of me, Rosa slept in my bed, Terry was passed out on the floor in Gina’s room, Gina actually ended up sleeping in her own bed, props to you,” Jake nods to Gina and she bows gracefully. “And Charles was locked in Gina’s bathroom.”

“Sorry, what’s the case here? I’m supposed to meet Sharon later and if this takes all day—”

“No, Terry! This will last until I find the sum bitch who defaced my Die Hard poster!” Jake points vehemently at the poster behind him.

“What’s the plan, then?” Charles, always Jake’s biggest supporter, asks eagerly, and Jake grins.

“Thank you best friend Charles. So, we need to retrace our steps and find out exactly what happened last night and what led us to wake up in some twisted Twilight Zone world where Die Hard is not the best movie of all time. So everyone say the last thing they remember and we’ll work from there.”

“You’re so dramatic.” Amy comments, and Jake makes mocking sounds at her.

“The last thing I remember is taking my octopus balls out of hiding and putting them up front so everyone could have some.” Charles says carefully, and Gina thwacks his arm.

“ _Charles!_ I thought we agreed to hide them after Rosa said they sucked! You even agreed that it just meant more for you!”

“Well it was a _lie!_ I wanted everyone to like them so they could prove you wrong.” Charles says pointedly, and Gina glares at him. “Anyways, after that a lot of things are a blur. I really don’t know how I ended up in the bathroom with my octopus balls in hand.” Everyone cringes after Charles says this.

“Hmm, actually, that might have been me.” Gina says thoughtfully. “Oh! I remember now. After Mario came—”

“ _Mario Lopez was here?”_ Everyone says simultaneously. Gina merely inspects her nails.

“Yeah, I told you guys, we’re a thing.” Gina gives them all a ‘what’s wrong with your heads’ look before continuing. “Anyways, after Mario came and I noticed Charles’ stupid snacks were visible again, I took them and used them to lure Charles into the bathroom before locking him in there.”

“The locks on the inside, though. Couldn’t he have just unlocked it?” Amy questions, and Gina pauses.

“It’s Charles. Probably forgot he could unlock doors or something.”

“Actually, when I went to go get Charles this morning, the bathroom handle had been snapped off. Also, there was a hole in the wall separating the room to the bathroom.” Jake says, and the groups eyes all shift to look at Terry.

“Why’s everyone looking at me?” Terry whines.

“Ter-bear, you’re the only one strong enough to snap off a door handle and punch a hole through the wall.” Gina points out, and the rest of the friends nod in agreement.

“Terry did not do property damage!” Terry says frustratedly, and Charles’ face lights up with recognition.

“Oh! I remember something else!”

LAST NIGHT

_“Ginaaaaaa!” Charles cries out, holding his beloved takoyaki in hand. Gina had attempted to dump the bowl of food in the toilet, but Charles’ reflexes were faster; he had snatched up what he could before it all ended up in the toilet water and was currently holding about 20 octopus balls in his hands. “Gina how could you!”_

_“Charles! Is that you?” a voice says through the door, and Charles stumbles towards the noise._

_“Terry! It’s me, Charles! You have to get me out of here!”_

_“I just got here, why the hell are you locked in the bathroom?” There was a pause. “Charles, bathrooms lock from the inside.”_

_“I know that, but my hands are full of octopus balls!” Charles yells angrily, and there’s another pause from Terry on the other side of the door._

_“Do I even wanna know?” Terry says hesitantly, and Charles groans._

_“Just open the door, Terry.” Charles whines, and he hears Terry sigh._

_“Alright.” Charles can see the handle move, and decides that when he gets out he will force feed Gina his octopus balls._

_Only, the handle stops moving and instead, Charles hears a loud ‘snap!’ noise come from the other side._

_“Uh oh,” he hears Terry say, and Charles stares at the door._

_“Terry, did you snap the door handle?”_

_“The handle was stuck! It wasn’t my fault!” Terry yells through the door, and Charles can hear the other man start to panic._

_“Terry, just take a breath—”_

_“Man, I need a drink. Charles, I’ll be right back, okay? I’ll get you out of this.” Charles hears retreating footsteps, and then there is no more Terry, only the sound of partying on the other side of the bathroom door._

PRESENT DAY

“Terry’ll pay for the door handle replacement,” Terry mutters to Amy, and she pats him on the back and gives him a small smile.

“Okay, but, how’d our wall get a hole in it?” Gina presses, and Terry looks at her sheepishly.

“My alcohol tolerance is very low,” Terry begins, then pauses. "Terry will also be paying for the hole in the wall."

LAST NIGHT

_“Charrrrrrles!” Terry cries, and bangs his fist on the bathroom door. “Charles, you in there?”_

_“Where else would I have gone, Terry! It’s been like ten minutes, where were you?” Charles’ muffled voice says, and Terry swishes around the red solo cup in his hand._

_“I just went to get a drink, man! Terry needed some liquid courage.” Terry takes another sip. “Are you ready to get out of there, little man?”_

_“Yes, finally! Thank you, Terry.”_

_“Okay, stand back!” Terry takes another large swig from his cup before tossing it away. Positioning himself in almost a fighting stance, he makes a fist and punches a hole in the wall separating the room to the bathroom._

_“Terry! What the hell!” Charles cries, and Terry sticks his head in the hole._

_“Hey little man! Come here and I’ll pull you out of this hole!" Terry pulls his head out of the hole and sticks one arm in instead, wiggling his fingers at Charles._

_“Terry, no!”_

PRESENT DAY

“And then for the rest of the night Terry just kept handing me cups of alcohol through the hole,” Charles adds helpfully. “Which was actually nice of him. I don’t think I would’ve been able to last the night stuck in the bathroom sober."

“Alright, so now we know what happened with you two, which means you guys couldn’t have done it or seen anyone do it.” Jake muses, and Rosa frowns.

“Hold up, we’re all suspects?” Rosa asks with eyebrows raised, and Jake shrugs.

“I mean technically everyone but me is a suspect,” Jake says seriously, and Amy pokes him hard in the arm. “Ow, okay, everyone but me and Amy. Speaking of which, what’s the last thing you remember, Ames?” Jake turns his attention to Amy, who furrows her brows in thought.

“The last thing I remember is hanging out with you in this room and Gina busting through and...oh.” Amy bites her lip nervously. “I mean, was it really that bad that I invited Teddy?”

“Girl, _yes!_ My dance girls literally asked me if I was friends with him. That was _so_ embarrassing. Luckily they forgot about him once Mario showed up.”

“Why don’t any of us remember Mario?” Jake whines.

LAST NIGHT

_“How do you feel, Santiago?” Jake asks her, and Amy blinks at him._

_“Huh? Oh, um,” Amy pauses to think of how she feels at the moment. “I think I’m back to Amy dance-pants. I have the urge to bust some moves.” Jake laughs brightly at this, and Amy smiles at him._

_“Thanks, Jake, really. I would’ve make a complete fool of myself in front of Teddy.” Amy’s eyes widen. “Oh my god, Teddy and Gina! Jake, we have to go back.” Amy places the empty coffee bottle on the floor and grasps Jake’s arm with both hands. “We need to make this right or Gina’s gonna kill me.”_

_“Gina won’t kill you, Ames. Maybe maim, or seriously injure.” Jake considers, and Amy narrows her eyes at him._

_“Was that a Harry Potter reference?”_

_“Maybe.”_

_“You said you didn’t read books! You liar!” Amy playfully slaps him on the arm, and Jake topples over onto the bed in response._

_“Well, you said they were good, and I had some down time. Also, totally lost it in the last book, so emotional. Had me crying in my room for the whole weekend.”_

_“Was that the weekend you said you were sick with the flu? I knew you didn’t get sick, you sounded way too sick for it to be real.” Jake pouts and sits back up, running a hand through his hair._

_“I could’ve been sick! I could’ve been on the verge of death.” Jake squints at something across the room, then sighs. “I guess we should go back, since you’re not pervert Amy anymore.” Amy turns to stare at him and something about the way he looks makes her think twice about going back to the party._

_“Why don’t we just get drunk in here?” Amy suggests, and Jake raises an eyebrow._

_“Our own drinking party? With just the two of us? Where we can be as stupid as we want and only the two of us will see?” he says, and Amy feels a little embarrassed and starts thinking of how she could backtrack until Jake says: “Hell yeah, let’s get turnt!”_

PRESENT DAY

“Wait, so you two stayed in this room the whole night? Alone?” Rosa says, and Jake and Amy turn to look at each other, the same question filling their heads. Amy feels her face flush a bit.

“Uh, I guess?” Amy looks at Jake for guidance, but he looks just as clueless as she feels. He shrugs at her. “I mean, that’s the last thing I really remember, the rest of the night’s kind of a blur.” The more Amy tries to remember, the more her head hurts.

“You’re the one who slept in my bed. Well, Amy’s bed. Technically, both our beds.” Jake points to where Amy’s bed was situated right beside his bed. “What do _you_ remember from last night?”

LAST NIGHT

_“What the hell’s goin’ onnn?” Rosa murmurs, pressing her ear against the door to Jake and Terry’s dorm. She had been on her way to the bathroom to puke when she heard some interesting noises coming from the dorm. After a minute or so of trying to grasp the door knob, which was harder than it sounded because it kept moving, she finally got it and opens the door to see—_

_“What the hell is going on.” Rosa says, more sober than a minute ago, as before her she sees Jake throwing cans at Boring Teddy’s head, and Boring Teddy trying to defend himself with clothes from the drawers around him. What was most interesting was the fact that Amy was currently curled up on the beds behind Jake and singing loudly a song that sounded like it was French. Before Rosa can find out what’s going on however, she remembers (or more like her stomach does) that she was going to the general dormitory bathroom to puke. “Gotta go.” she says, and slowly closes the door before rushing to the bathroom at the end of the hall._

PRESENT DAY

“Hold on, why am I throwing pilsners at Teddy’s head?” Jake says incredulously, and everyone’s head turns to look at Amy.

“What?” Amy says nervously, not appreciating the spotlight turning to her.

“Amy, _god,_ use that big brain of yours for something _useful_ for once.” Gina says exasperatedly, and Jake frowns.

“What does Amy have to do with me being mad at Teddy?” Jake asks, and Gina’s eyes turn to him.

“I don’t blame you kid, you’re brain is small.” Gina leans forward and pats him on the head, much to Jake’s confusion.

“ _What?_ ”

“Okay, whatever the reason is,” Amy says loudly, trying to continue the conversation. “It still doesn’t explain how Jake’s poster was vandalised.”

“Buh, buh, buh, I think it does.” Gina grins, and holds her hands up to silence everyone. “It’s funny, you’re all training to be cops, but neither one of you knows anything about the nature of humans.” Gina pushes Jake and Amy aside and moves to take a seat on one of the beds. “Now, here’s what happened to your precious poster, Jacob. Teddy went looking for Amy after like an hour of ruining my party, and he walked in to your room to find, lo and behold, Amy and Jake having their own private little drinking party because they think they’re too good for my fabulous party.”

“That’s not—” Amy begins, but Gina holds her hand up and Amy closes her mouth, frowning.

“So, Amy and Jake are probably all giggling and Amy’s probably at the end of the Santiago drinking scale: French-speaking Amy. So Teddy goes in and he’s probably all like, ‘Oh, I’m boring so this is where you went’, and Jake’s probably like, ‘Yeah bro come fight me’, because when Jake gets drunk he’s feisty.”

“That’s not—” Jake begins, but Gina again holds her hand up and Jake closes his mouth, frowning. He looks at Amy and they both have identical expressions on their faces.

“So Teddy’s probably like, ‘Dude I’m boring I’m not gonna fight you’, and Jake’s probably all like, ‘Come at me man your pilsners are absolute trash and you _hella_ boring’ and then—”

“Alright enough, Gina, I remember what happened now.” Amy interjects grimly. She turns to Jake, an apologetic look on her face. “Jake, I’m so sorry.”

LAST NIGHT

_“Say it again!” Jake pleads, and Amy giggles before clearing her throat._

_“Vous le vous coucher avec moi ce soir,” Amy says carefully, and Jake topples over from laughter. They were both still sitting on Amy’s bed, but now she was nine drinks in and French Amy had come out to play._

_“It just sound better when you say it.” Jake says in between attempts to catch his breath, and Amy giggles again._

_“Tu es ridicule mais j’adore ça.” Amy remarks happily, and Jake grins at her._

_“I have no idea what that means!” Amy grabs a pillow and hits him the head with it._

_“Bataille d'oreillers!” Amy cries, and Jake holds his arms up to defend himself. In doing so, he accidentally spills his drink on his shirt._

_“Oh, man! Just when I got this shirt back,” Jake says sadly, and attempts to wipe his shirt clean with his hands. “Ames, clean my shirt.” he whines, and Amy stumbles over to the mini fridge where she knows Terry keeps bottles of water. Yanking the small door open, she snatches a bottle out and unscrews it._

_“Put ‘em up, Peralta.” she says, before aiming the bottle at his shirt and squeezing it. The water shoots out and hits him directly where the stain in._

_“You got McClane in the head! Noice!” Jake cheers enthusiastically, and really doesn’t seem to mind that his shirt is now soaked. Amy tosses the water bottle away, not caring if it spilled or not._

_“What should we—” Amy begins, but a knock on the door interrupts her. “I got it,” Amy sways over to the door and pulls it open to reveal—_

_“Teddy!” Amy says in surprise, and suddenly she remembers that she was technically supposed to hang out with Teddy tonight, seeing how she was the one who wanted him to come and all. Although, did that really mean they had to spend all night together? She was totally having fun here with just Jake and—_

_“Hey, Amy, Jake. What’s uhh, what’s going on?” Teddy interrupts her train of thought, bringing her back to reality._

_“Oh, uhm, Jake and I were havin’ a…”_

_“Private drinking party!” Jake yells from behind her, and Amy nods._

_“Yeah, we were having that.” Amy pauses. “Sorry, I kinda ditched you at the party.”_

_“Oh, it’s okay. I actually got to catch up with some of the guys, which was nice. Usually I’m too busy studying…” Amy thinks Teddy is still talking but everything he’s saying sounds like nothing and she’s really too drunk for this._

_“Hey, Teddy, what’s that in your hands?” Jake calls out from the room, and Teddy stops rambling._

_“Oh, it’s some cans of my pilsners. Yeah, I brought cans too ‘cause the bottles—”_

_“Yeah, yeah, cool. Hey, Teddy, come in. Come on,” Jake beckons Teddy to come in and he complies, albeit confusedly. Amy closes the door and goes back to the beds, curious as to what’s happening._

_“Teddy, I am going to fight you.” Jake announces, and Teddy frowns._

_“Jake, sorry buddy but uh, I don’t wanna do that.”_

_“No, no, issa consensual fight, you see. I’mma fight you for…” Jake burps. “Sorry. I’m gonna fight you for—to defend Amy’s honour!” Amy cheers, because nothing makes sense right now but it seemed like the right thing to do._

_“But I didn’t—”_

_“Man, will you just fight me? Come on, throw some cans at me. I can take it.” Jake sloppily flexes his arms and holds out his fists. “Leggo.”_

_“Jake, you’re drunk. I mean, I’m drunk too, but you’re_ very _drunk at the moment and—”_

_“For god’s sake, you’re boring.” Jake launches forward and snags the pilsner cans out of Teddy’s hands._

_“Wha—” Teddy begins, but Jake pulls out one of the cans and chucks it at Teddy, hitting him in the chest. “Ow! Jake—”_

_“WELCOME TO THE PARTY, PAL!” Jake cries, and throws another can. Amy’s eyes widen as the two of them begin a sort of fight; Jake hurling pilsners at Teddy and Teddy throwing clothes at Jake, trying to blind him and make him stop. Amy starts singing the French anthem that she learned in eighth grade French._

_“Allons enfants de la patrie, le jour de gloire est arrivé!” Amy sings as Teddy continues to protest the chucking of the cans. “Contre nous de la tyrannie l'étendard sanglant est…” Amy sees that Jake only has four cans left, and feels panic inside her rise. What will happen when he runs out of cans? Thinking fast, Amy scrambles to the drawer that Teddy’s pulling clothes from and searches the top of it for a pen. After a few seconds her hand closes around a black sharpie, and Amy quickly snatches it away and pulls of the cap, sticking it in her mouth. Using both hands, she steadily writes on the poster above Jake’s bed: DIE HARD SUCKS. She hurriedly caps the marker and tosses it across the room._

_“Jake! Jake!” Amy calls, trying to grab Jake attention. He’s on his last pilsner now, and he pauses, about to throw._

_“Oh, hey Ames. What’s up?” he says calmly, and Teddy takes this as his chance to rip the pilsner from Jake’s hand._

_“Look! Look what Teddy just wrote!” Amy points to the poster behind her. Jake squints at the poster for a second, blinking slowly._

_“What? I didn’t even write that, I was busy trying to defend myself against you!” Teddy says irritably, and Jake turns his attention back to Teddy, eyes narrowed._

_“That’s_ exactly _what someone who wrote it would say!” Jake cries, outraged, and Amy nods fervently._

PRESENT DAY

“ _You wrote it?_ ” Jake squeaks indignantly, and Amy actually feels guilty, despite only just remembering what happened. She offers Jake an apologetic look.

“Why’d you try to frame Boring Teddy?” Gina says, amusement on her face, and Amy just helplessly shrugs.

“I… I don’t know! I just remembered what happened! I don’t know what I was thinking, I just wanted to see a fight, I guess.”

“Ha! Good one, Santiago.” Rosa raises her hand for a high-five, which Amy reluctantly hits. Beside her, Charles is holding his hand up to Jake.

“Nice one, Jakey. You could totally take Teddy.” Jake smacks his hand on reflex, then frowns.

“Thanks, I mean, _obviously,_ but it’s not like I actually wanted to fight Teddy.” Jake turns to Amy, an uncomfortable look on his face. “Sorry if I ruined your chances with Teddy, Ames. I guess you can say the poster mutilation is your payback.”

“It’s fine, Jake. We were drunk. He’ll probably understand.” Amy says optimistically, but she already feels that English on Monday is going to be _very_ awkward.

“Yeah, well.” Jake runs a hand through his hair and turns to look sadly at his defaced Die Hard poster. “Charles, wanna go with me to buy a new one today?”

“Sure thing, buddy.” Charles pats Jake on the shoulder comfortingly and they leave the room together.

“I guess that means I can go meet Sharon.” Terry declares happily. “See you later, Amy, Gina, Rosa.” Terry practically skips off out of the room, leaving the three girls in his and Jake’s mess of a room.

“And who the hell’s gonna clean this up then?” Gina yells after him, but receives no reply.

“I’m not doing it. I’ve got brunch with some girls from my sewing club.” Rosa states plainly, and both Amy and Gina turn to stare at her.

“What?” they say in unison, and Rosa shrugs.

“We’re gonna eat, then we’re gonna go work on a dress together. It’s fun.” She adds the last part almost as a threat, as if daring them to laugh at her.

“Damn, Rosa, alright. Have fun.” Amy says nervously, and Rosa nods at them before leaving as well.

“I guess you’ll wanna go too.” Amy rubs at her eyes tiredly. “Our room’s probably just as messy. Or messier.”

“Nope. I got a cleaning service to tidy up. Also, I already got someone to fix the hole in the wall and repair the bathroom door handle.” Gina smirks. “Terry is so predictable. I already knew he’d be all noble and insist on paying for it.”

Amy chuckles. “Well, okay. Do you wanna help me clean this room up? I feel like I owe Jake, seeing how I defaced such a prized possession of his.” She says this sort of mockingly, but she really does feel guilty. She wonders briefly if she should text Jake a full apology message. She decides that’s silly, then wonders briefly if she should _actually_ be texting that apology message to Teddy. 

“Sure. Nothin’ else to do today. But don’t feel bad about graffiti-ing Johnny McClane’s face and blaming it on Boring Teddy—that’s funny as shit.” Gina pats her friend on the back and turns towards the Die Hard poster. “Now go get a broom and garbage bag, Santiago. I’m gonna tweet a pic of the poster.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feedback is appreciated and loved as always! i have a lot of crap planned for this slightly plot-less story, so stay tuned. :)
> 
> also, the next two chapters will be sort of interludes in the main story as there are two introductions we're missing: professors kevin cozner and raymond holt.


	8. INTRO: Kevin Cozner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introducing Civil Rights Clinic Professor, Kevin Cozner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this takes place before the amy santiago introduction.

BEGINNING OF SEPTEMBER.

“Raymond, would you like to have lunch together today? I found an excellent cafe just down the road from the university. I thought you might like to try it.” Criminal Law Professor Raymond Holt looks up over the rims of his glasses from where he’s reading a newspaper at the dining table.

“I would love to have lunch together. However, you don’t have to ask me every day, Kevin. My answer is always the same.”

“I know, but I like to, so I will.” Civil Rights Clinic Professor Kevin Cozner looks at his husband and smiles warmly.

“Asking questions you already know the answer to? You must be feeling playful.” Kevin chuckles slightly and pauses his packing of school material.

“Are you excited to teach your Criminal Law Class? I took a glance at your student list and some of them I think you will quite enjoy teaching,” Kevin says conversationally, and moves to take a seat at the table beside his husband. Raymond nudges over a glass of water towards Kevin, who takes it gratefully.

“Mmm, I am very excited,” Raymond responds with an even tone that shows absolutely no sign of excitement to anyone but Kevin. “Do you have any comments regarding the students you do know?” Raymond pauses. “I realize you may not, seeing as you have only had one class with them, but anything would be helpful.” Raymond takes off his glasses and puts then on the table, then proceeds to fold up the newspaper he was reading.

“Actually, yes, I do have some comments,” Kevin takes a sip of his water, pondering. “There is one student I noticed you have and thought interesting enough to mention. Her name is Rosa Diaz.” Raymond gives him an interested look. “She is, by all means, frightening.”

“Really? A student who is alarming enough to frighten you?”

“Yes, well, I suppose it does sound silly,” Kevin takes another sip of water, this time nervously. “But you’ll understand once you meet her. I’m positive she had weapons concealed in that leather jacket of hers.”

“Hmm. That certainly is interesting. Anyone else?”

“Amy Santiago,” Kevin says tiredly, and Raymond frowns.

“Is she frightening too?”

“No, but she is exceedingly eager to learn my material. She bought all the books that I had put on the syllabus and had already finished reading them over the summer. We are to discuss them together during one of my ‘help after hours’.” Kevin says glumly.

“Why are you glum?” Raymond asks. “You love discussing your reading material. Last night you were so delighted in telling me about Areopagitica and how Milton’s title alludes to both the Areopagiticus of Isocrates and the story of the apostle Paul in Athens from Acts 17, 18-34.”

“Ah, glad to see you were listening.” Kevin smiles at his husband, then takes a breath. “No doubt Amy will be a fantastic student, but already I can tell she will be one of those students who will tire me out. She reminds me of me when I first became interested in the subject of Civil Rights.” Kevin takes a final sip of water, setting the empty glass down on the dining table. “She is anxious about almost all of her choices in regards to whether or not I will approve of them. She even asked me if where she was sitting was optimal for her learning.”

“Was it?”

“No, she should have sat further back. But that is besides the point.”

“Hm. Well, certainly she will be entertaining to teach.” Kevin eyes his husband, as he can see the gears in Raymond’s head turning on how he will torture this poor overeager student.

“She certainly will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *cue holt deciding to torture amy about what seat to choose*
> 
> anyways, tell me whatcha think. all is appreaciated.


	9. INTRO: Raymond Holt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introducing Criminal Law Professor, Raymond Holt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holt v jake. guess who wins?

SEPTEMBER: Two Weeks In.

“Jacob Peralta.” Criminal Law Professor Raymond Holt calls out to the class, and receives silence as a response. He frowns; this is the fifth time Peralta has been late to his class.

“Is Jacob Peralta here?” Raymond asks tiredly, and he watches as the students in his class glance nervously at each other.

“Sir, I don’t think he’s—”

“SORRY HI I’M HERE!” a voice yells from the door, and the whole class looks to the corner of the classroom where a scrappy-looking boy tumbles into the class, school bad clutching desperately to the edge of his right shoulder.

“Peralta, this is the fifth time you have been late to class.” Raymond states calmly, and while a part of him is annoyed that Peralta keeps coming late to class, another part of his is slightly worried as to  _ why  _ he keeps coming late to class. “Shall I remind you that class started twelve minutes ago?”

“No, you  _ shalln’t _ remind me, I already knew that.” Peralta says with a slight edge to his voice, and moves to take his seat in the front row. 

“Please do not say ‘shalln’t’ in this classroom ever again.”

“Why  _ shalln’t  _ I?” Peralta receives a hit on the head by Amy Santiago from the seat behind him. Raymond holds back a smirk.

“Because it’s not a word. Now, do you mind explaining why you are late to class? Again?” Raymond finds that he’s not even angry, but genuinely curious as to how Peralta has an excuse every single time he’s late to class (and, from what Raymond can tell, all his excuses seem to be absolutely true). 

“It’s not my fault this time! I was showering in our dorm and the door got stuck and I had wait for Terry to come back and bust it open with his big muscles.” Peralta says irritably. “Our door is severely damaged now, too. Terry’s very strong, you know.” Peralta shrugs helplessly at him, to which Raymond stares back, face unreadable.

“Mmm. Next time try to come into the class quieter. It disturbs the rest of us when you come… gallivanting in.”

“Gallivanting? I’m not a horse—” Peralta is cut off as Amy Santiago from behind him leans down and whispers in his ear. “Oh, that’s galloping. Right, just pulling your leg, we all know big words.” Peralta laughs nervously. “Anyways, I  _ was  _ quiet last time! You didn’t even say anything when I was late!”

“Because I was so tired from saying it the other times as it was clear that you were not going to change your ways.” Peralta starts to protest, again about it being ‘not his fault this time’, but Raymond holds up his hand to silence him. “And you were not quiet last time or any times, you are incredibly noisy. We all hear you pattering your way down the hall.” At this point, Peralta takes a glance around the classroom at his colleagues, all of whom nod solemnly in agreement.

“What? I am  _ so  _ quiet. Charles, back me up on this.” When Boyle stays silent and instead offers Peralta an apologetic look, Peralta huffs. “Fine, I’ll be quieter next time.”

“Or you can just start coming to class on time.” Rosa Diaz says from beside him, and Peralta waves her off.

“Peralta, since you love playing games so much, I will make you a bet.” The class makes ‘ooh-ing’ sounds at this, and Peralta sits up a little straighter. “I will bet that you cannot enter this classroom without me noticing by the end of next week.”

“What do I win?” Peralta asks excitedly, and Raymond reminds his face to not smile at his boyishness.

“If you win, which is highly unlikely to happen, I will stop berating you for being late.”

“Uhuh, mhmm, and if you win?” Peralta asks eagerly.

“If I win, you will comply with the class schedule and start showing up on time, otherwise I will deduct one percent from your grade for every time you show up late. Which, judging by the past two weeks, is every time.” Peralta stands and hops over his desk and to the front of the classroom, stopping just short of where Raymond stood.

“Shake on it, sir?” Peralta holds his hand out towards Raymond and grins goofily. Raymond straightens and leans to grasp the younger man’s hand.

“Why is your hand… sticky?” Raymond asks carefully, and Peralta, to his horror, grins wider.

“Some candy in my pocket melted and—”

Raymond quickly releases his hand, face in a tight grimace. “Go and sit down, Peralta. Class is beginning.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter: back to your regularly scheduled dum-dums.


	10. Amy's Worst Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amy goes on a date and is faced with a revelation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> back to our regularly scheduled programming! i know i do a lot of chapters from amy's point of view, so next few ones will be from jake's.
> 
> also, i hadn't realized how long this story got. wow. that's a lot of words.

MONDAY

“Do you think Teddy will still be mad?” Amy asks Gina nervously, fingers twiddling with her hair. They were currently walking across campus to the Civil Rights Clinic class that Professor Cozner taught.

Amy thinks maybe, just _maybe,_ she should have texted that apology text to him. But really, there wouldn’t have been enough time; she was hungover and fully out of it for the entirety of Sunday, and apologies needed to be outlined, drafted, proofread, grammar checked, and worked on for at least two hours. Plus, she didn’t even know what she wanted out of apologizing to him. She already admitted to finding him kind of boring like everyone else, so did she really want to go on a date with him?

“Nah, he’ll probs be like, ‘it’s all cool Amy, Jake beat me fair and square’.” Amy gives Gina a look that says ‘ _really’_. “What? Jake’s dumb but I gotta be on my boy’s side.” 

Amy ignores her. “I’ve decided to just go straight to the point and say—”

“‘Sorry Jake and I were wasted, that Jake initiated a fight with you, and that I tried to blame you for writing ‘Die Hard Sucks’ on the wall and also how I have no memories past that point’?”

Amy gulps. “Yup, pretty much that.” The pair stop in front of Professor Cozner’s classroom. Amy takes a deep breath, then pushes open the door and walks in, moving to take her seat in the front row.

“Good afternoon, Professor Cozner.” Amy says solemnly, and the professor nods in acknowledgement.

“Good afternoon, Miss Santiago.” Professor Cozner greets from his desk.

“Hey Kev! What’s up, man? How’s the hubby?” Gina greets cheerily, and Amy sighs; she didn’t quite understand how _Gina_ of all people had become the professor’s favourite.

Professor Cozner smiles warmly at her. “Hello, Gina. My husband is doing just fine, thank you for asking. To answer your question of ‘what’s up’,” The professor ducks below his desk and pulls what appears to be a blue book from his bag. “I brought you Paradise Lost by John Milton, since you greatly enjoyed Aeneid by Virgil. I think you might even like Paradise Lost more than Aeneid.” He hands the book to Gina, who takes it gratefully.

“Oh dang, really? Aeneid had so much drama though, and you know that’s my thing.” Gina begins flipping through Paradise Lost. “That whole part where Aeneas was like, ‘Oh, did I mention that Venus is my mom? Oh, did I tell you how freaking hot I am? Yeah, I was totally there when Odysseus scammed the Cyclops’, you know that was absolute _gold_.” Professor Cozner raises an amused eyebrow at this, clearly happy that Gina enjoyed the previous book.

“Yes, that book is quite dramatic, which is the main reason I recommended it to you.” The professor pauses, a thoughtful expression gracing his face. “Hmm. Now that I am reminded of your three-hour voice audiobook review you emailed to me, perhaps Aeneid will always be your favorite. I especially liked the part where you compared this literary classic to, and I quote, ‘the fifth season of The West Wing or the seventh season of The Gilmore Girls’. Surprisingly, it opened up a new perspective to consider.”

Gina grins at him. “You’re welcome.”

“Well, regardless, I suspect Paradise Lost will be just as entertaining for you to read.”

Gina tucks the book under her arm. “Alright, I trust your taste in books, Kevin.” Gina did a small bow. “I look forward to sending you my book review. ”

“I look forward to hearing it.” Gina backs away from Cozner’s desk and goes towards Amy, taking a seat beside her.

“How are you guys so close? I can’t even get him to call me Amy!” Amy sulks, and Gina simply shrugs.

“Kevin and I share the same energy. Vibes, if you will. You wouldn’t understand.” Gina pauses to put her new book in her bag before turning back to Amy. “And if you want him to call you ‘Amy’, stop calling him ‘Professor Cozner’. Uni profs are chill, call them what their Mama’s call them.”

Amy wrinkles her nose at this. “It just feels _wrong_ , like I’m not respecting them.”

“Why is calling them by their Mom-given names disrespectful? Don’t be nerdy _and_ weird, Amy.” The doors to the classroom open and Gina smirks. “Look, it’s your evil twin.” Gina nods towards the doors and Amy looks up, eyes wide. Teddy smiles when he notices Amy and begins walking towards her. Amy can feel the panic rising in her chest; what the hell was Teddy doing here? She wasn’t supposed to see him until later, when they had English together. She barely had an outline of the apology she was going to read to him.

“Shoot, what was I going to say? Gina, help me!” Amy hisses through a strained smile as Teddy comes closer. Gina, the most unhelpful person on the planet, laughs at her and gets up from her seat.

“I’ll come back when class starts. See if you can film this interaction for me. Ta ta!” Gina skips away, leaving Amy sitting there having stress sweats as Teddy approaches her seat.

“Hey, Amy, I’ve been looking for you. Can I talk to you for a moment?” Amy nods mutely, and Teddy takes that as an invitation to sit in Gina’s seat. “Look, I’m—”

“I’m so sorry for Saturday night.” Amy blurts out, cutting Teddy off mid-sentence. Amy’s eyes go wide but the words are already tumbling out of her mouth. “I was totally wasted, and so was Jake, and we were just goofing around and I’m _so sorry_ that he initiated a fight with you and that I was singing in French and to be honest I don’t really remember the rest of the night—”

“Amy, it’s fine, don’t worry about it. I completely understand.” Teddy says kindly, and Amy blinks at him.

“You do?”

“Yeah, Jake texted me and explained the whole thing.” Amy feels her whole body freeze and suddenly her stomach wants to get rid of what she had for breakfast this morning.

“What did he say?” Amy asks tentatively.

“Oh, he just apologized for the weird behaviour and said that it was all his idea.”

“It was…? It was, yes. Classic Jake. All his idea.” Amy nods nervously and makes a mental note to steal Jake’s phone later so she can read the texts. “Soooo, you’re not upset?”

“Nah, I mean, I was kinda bummed that you were gone for most of the party, but I meant what I said. It was nice catching up with some of the guys.” Teddy pauses. “You can make it up to me though, if you still feel bad. How about lunch after class?” Amy bit her lip; she actually had plans to study after class, but she really did owe Teddy. Plus, she _did_ want to go on a date with him before.

“Yeah, sure. I’d like that. I’ll text you when class is over.” Amy smiles at him and is about to ask him what happened during the rest of that drunken night, but she catches Gina’s eye as the girl makes her way back to her seat. “Uh, you may want to get out of Gina’s seat,” Amy warns, and Teddy chuckles.

“Sure.” He stands up. “Well, see you after class then, Amy.” Amy grins at him and watches as he leaves, making sure to make a wide berth around Gina.

“Hey, Tedster.” Gina says curtly, and Teddy gives her a nervous smile before going quickly towards the exit. Gina sits down beside Amy. “So, he hate you yet?”

“Nope. Apparently Jake texted him something saying how the whole thing was his fault, so I am off the hook. In fact, I have a lunch date with him after this.”

“Really?” There’s something in Gina’s voice that makes her frown.

“What?”

“Mmm. Nothing.” Gina pulls out her phone and turns away from Amy. Amy sighs. Sometimes she wonders if Gina is even listening to her half the time. Amy has no time to dwell on that, however, as Professor Cozner stands up and class begins.

* * *

“So what’s the worst date you’ve ever had?” Teddy asks her, and immediately the answer floats to the front of Amy’s mind. So far into their lunch date, things have been pretty… mediocre, to say the least. Not that it was a terrible date, because really Teddy had been polite and interested in Amy the whole time, but it was just sort of…

Amy really loathed the word _boring._

“Easy. Tinder date I had last month. The guy was majoring in criminology, similar to my criminal justice major, so I thought we’d have a lot to talk about. Jake, though, came up with this crazy theory that he was a serial killer based on his profile.”

“Jeez, just from his profile?”

“Right? But he said anyone who outright says they’re ‘a normal guy’ is far from normal. Plus, the guy had a picture of himself biting his lip and apparently that means he’s a predator.” Amy huffs. “In any case, I’m not entirely convinced he _was_ a serial killer, but I definitely can’t rule it out. We went to this restaurant that was pretty far from where I live, and he insisted that I take a cab because it was so far out of my way. That was kind of irritating, but he was really nice through text and he really wanted to try that restaurant. Anyways, once I was there, I noticed some weirdos in the corner of the restaurant staring at me throughout the date. Guess who they were?”

“Serial killer friends?”

“Nope. It was Jake, Gina, Rosa, and Charles, all ‘undercover’ to make sure this dude didn’t ‘take me back to his lair and dismember me’. It was sweet, now that I think about it, but at the time I thought they were being ridiculous. They even had Terry on call in case the guy somehow _did_ kidnap me and they needed someone to break down some doors.” Amy paused to take a nibble of her sandwich, which she had almost completely forgotten about. “So, during the actual date, the guy asked me some personal questions like what I liked to do during my free time, what kind of movies I watch, you know, regular get-to-know-you questions. It only started getting strange when he asked if I lived in New York or if I was studying away from home, then if I had any relatives in the city, or if I was close to anyone here, and hey did I tell anyone I was going on this date? Did someone know where I was? Hey, where do I live? What kind of car do I drive?”

“Wow.” Teddy looks a little concerned, despite the fact that this date was a month ago. Amy briefly wonders if this is a good story to tell on a date.

“Yeah, it got _real_ shady. So I excused myself to go to the bathroom, and the whole squad—well, my friends, _squad,_ followed me into the bathroom and asked me how the date was going.” Amy took a bite of her sandwich before continuing. “Long story short, Jake suggested we all escape through the bathroom window and make a run for it, so we did. Never saw the guy again.”0

“Why did they _all_ have to escape through the window? Couldn’t they have just walked out the front door?”

“They could have, but apparently it was already really shady that four people followed me into the bathroom that they thought it was best if they all left the same way I did.” Amy shrugs. “Anyways, later I got my dad to look up the guy’s name in the police system to see if there were any matches, and turns out the guy didn’t exist.”

“Wow,” Teddy says again. “Honestly, even if he wasn’t a serial killer, he definitely planned to do _something._ ”

“Yeah, when Jake’s likes to imagine all the ways the dude could have killed me that night if _he_ hadn’t been there to heroically save me.” Amy takes the last bite of her sandwich.

“Hmm, yeah.” Teddy replies casually, and it looks like he’s about to say more when his phone suddenly dings. He grabs it and checks the screen before quickly shutting it off. “Well, I have another class in two hours and I’d like to get in some studying, so I think I’m gonna go.” Teddy stands up and Amy follows suit.

“Yeah, I should probably get some studying done too.” Amy smiles at him. “I had a really good time, Teddy.”

“Me too. It was nice getting to know you, outside of the school setting. So I’ll see you in English, then?”

Amy pauses, a little shocked. That wasn’t what she had expected him to say. She had expected a ‘see you next time’ or a ‘when are you free again’. Amy internally sighs but manages to keep a happy expression on her face.

“Yeah. Yeah, See you.” Amy forces a smile back at Teddy as he wraps an arm around her for a hug.

“Bye.”

“Bye.” He leaves, leaving Amy to wonder what exactly went wrong during this date.

* * *

“Do you think it was the serial killer story?” Amy asks Rosa in their Criminal Procedure Police Practices class, and Rosa snorts. Amy had been racking her mind of what she could have possibly done wrong to make Teddy not ask her out on a date. It wasn’t like she desperately wanted to go on another date with Teddy, but she’d like to know what went wrong so she could make notes and do better on future dates. Or maybe she did want to go on another date with Teddy, despite not exactly having a blast during the date.

Everything was confusing, and right now all Amy wanted was to know what went wrong and go from there.

“If he doesn’t wanna date you because of that story, he really is boring. That date was classic. Remember when the dude insinuated he was gonna strangle you?” Rosa grins at her, the memory of the night clearly fresh in her mind.

Amy shudders. “Ugh. Don’t remind me.”

“Look. If you wanna know what went wrong during the date, just ask his friends.” Rosa pauses. “Hm. Might not work though. Pilsners don’t talk.” Amy flicks Rosa’s shoulder in annoyance.

“Funny. That’s actually not a bad idea though, but I don’t know any of his friends and they’d probably tell him I asked. I don’t want him to find out either, that’s so embarrassing.”

“Make Gina ask. She knows them. Or if you want, I can steal his phone. He probably texted people about it.” Rosa flexes her fingers. “I should practice my pickpocketing skills anyways. Last time Charles caught me stealing his Epipen.”

“Why were you stealing his Epipen? He needs that!” Amy asks incredulously, and Rosa shrugs.

“I was bored and he was getting annoying. Plus, I wanted to see if he was lying about his stupid allergy to my pie.”

“Was he?” Amy remembers how Charles claimed that if he ate Rosa’s pie that his face would puff up like a balloon because his ‘delicate tastebuds’ couldn’t handle the amount of cherries she put in. Rosa had been very, very annoyed by this.

“No.” Rosa’s face turns into a giant grimace as she recalls the memory.

“Okay. Yeah, no, I’m not gonna steal his phone. I’ll just… I’ll text him. Yeah.” Amy pulls out her mobile and starts typing away. “Dear Teddy...no, that’s too formal, uh… Hey Teddy, it’s Amy. How’s that sound?” Amy looks up worriedly at Rosa. Rosa raises a judging eyebrow at her.

“Seriously? Give me that,” Rosa snatches the phone away from Amy, despite her attempts to keep it in her grasp.

“Rosa, give it back!”

“Here. I sent the text already.” Amy seizes the mobile back with both hands and quickly reads the text. “‘Hey what was wrong with our date.’” Amy reads, then frowns.

“Simple and to the point. You can thank me later by picking a good movie for movie night this Friday.”

“It’s not bad I guess, though you could have ended it with a question mark instead of a period,” Amy says nervously, and pockets the mobile. “Thanks though.”

“Whatever. What’d you put for interrogating suspects? Apparently we don’t do waterboarding anymore.”

* * *

“Hey Amy, you look deeper in the dumps than usual. Your date not go well?” Gina queries in their last class of the day, and Amy shifts uncomfortably in her seat.

“You went on a date? Was it with Jake?” Charles asks eagerly, and before Amy can respond Gina promptly smacks him in the head.

“Keep it in your pants, Boyle. Amy had a date with Boring Teddy this morning.” Charles makes a pained face, and Amy sighs.

“The date wasn’t that bad, it was just sort of—”

“Boring?” Gina snarks, and she and Charles high-five. Amy glares at them but continues on.

“Not right. I was going to say not right. And I think he felt that too, because he didn’t ask me out for a second date. He just said ‘see you in English’.” Amy holds back the urge to check her phone again. It has been hours since Rosa sent that text for her and Teddy still hadn’t replied. Had the date really gone that bad?

“Well that’s good news, because now you’re single, and Jake’s single, and that means you guys can totally—”

“Jake has a thing with Sophia, doesn’t he?” Amy interrupts, and Gina and Charles look at each other.

“Girl, didn’t you hear? Jake totally ditched Sophia at the party to have a little drinky party with you.” Gina pauses for a second before speaking again. “By the way, Sophia doesn’t really like you.” Gina makes a fart noise with her mouth that has the meaning ‘but what can ya do’.

“What? I didn’t do anything wrong! Jake’s the one who ditched her.”

“Uhuh, but girls like to blame each other. Probs thinks you seduced him with your…” Gina trails off, clearly looking her up and down. “Nerdiness?”

“Jake ditched her because he wanted to spend time with _you,_ Amy!” Charles says excitedly, and dodges Gina’s hand as it tries to thwack him. “Why do you keep hitting me?” Charles whines.

“Jake didn’t…” Amy considers it, then frowns. Jake was the sober one when she had suggested they stay in his room and drink, he really _could_ have gone back to the party. Instead, he chose to stay in the room with her and get stupidly drunk while she sang the French national anthem out the window.

Amy’s frown deepens.

Jake _did_ want to spend time with her.

Or it was possible that he simply stayed so she wouldn’t make a fool of herself as pervert Amy. That was probably it; Jake was simply a very good friend.

“Boyle if you keep being yourself, I _will_ have to end you. That is a promise.” Gina says, her voice extremely serious. “Rein it in or you’re out.”

“Out what?” Amy asks, finally surfacing out of her emotional rollercoaster. Both Gina and Charles turn back to face her, their faces unreadable.

“Huh. Forgot you were there. Whoopsy! Tune us out Amy, this doesn’t concern you. And oh look, Boring Tedster’s here. Go fetch, Amy!” Gina makes a shooing motion with her hand and Amy turns around, watching Teddy enter the classroom. They make eye contact and she swallows the lump in her throat. He begins to walk closer towards where Gina, Charles, and her were sitting, clearly wanting to have a conversation with her.

“Maybe we should go…?” Charles whispers to Gina, but she shushes him in response. Amy, about to tell her friends to bugger off, gets distracted as Teddy walks right up to her and stops.

“Hey, Amy, can we talk?” Teddy asks carefully.

“Yeah, sure! What’s up?” Amy says this _way_ too cheerily, and she cringes at the sound of her own voice. “Is this about the…”

“Yeah, yeah it is.” Teddy pauses, his eyes focused on something behind her. “Is there someplace we can talk...privately?”

“No.” Gina and Charles chorus together, and Amy turns around to glare at the both of them.

“Here’s fine.” Amy begrudgingly says, not wanting to wait any longer for an answer. He really could have texted her back instead of making her wait hours for closure. “So, what do you have to say?” She says this possibly a little harsher than she intended to, but at this point she was more than slightly annoyed with him. She went over their luncheon a thousand times in her head and not to brag, but she was an absolute delight. She was polite, funny, and a great listener, and didn’t yawn once when he started talking about his pilsners. Amy thought that was commendable. Jake would think so.

“Well, I wasn’t lying when I said it was nice getting to know you. I learned a lot about you, actually.” Teddy takes a breath before continuing. “Like how much Jake means to you.”

Amy’s mouth opens and closes like a fish on land. “Wha…”

“You mentioned him in literally everything you said to me, Amy. ‘Jake thought my date was a serial killer, Jake says I read too many useless things, Jake thinks I own too many binders.’”

“It’s true though, she does.” Gina pipes in, but they both ignore her.

“I was just telling you things about me,” Amy says weakly, and Teddy gives her a small smile.

“Amy, I’m not upset at you or anything. Sure, I was a little disappointed, but I understand. You’re a really great person, and I’m sure you and Jake will figure things out eventually.” He holds her hand out to her. “Friends?”

“Uhh...yeah, friends. Friends work.” Amy takes his hand distractedly and they shake on this fact. _Friends._

“Alright, I’m going to go take my seat. Talk to you later, Amy.” Teddy looks behind her. “Gina. Charles.” he says with a nod, then he leaves, and Amy is left with her two idiot friends staring at her with identical looks of mischief written on their faces.

“Soooooooo Amy,” Charles begins suggestively, but Gina cuts him off.

“So you’re in love with Jake. Big what.”

“I’m not in love with Jake.” Amy snaps, and she realizes how annoyed she actually was. “I’m not. We’re just friends. So stop this, whatever you two are doing.” Amy turns around in her seat and pointedly ignores the loud whispering of her friends behind her. Somehow, this was all Jake’s fault— the stupid confusing feelings, Teddy deciding that she was in love with Jake, Gina and Charles being incredibly annoying. She might have been the one who wanted the private drinking party, or kept bringing his name up during her date with Teddy, or asked him to help her find her pen, but…

Jake really hadn’t been anything but a good friend, had he?

“Stupid Peralta.” Amy mutters, and keeps that thought in the back of her mind as class begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all comments welcome. :)


	11. Jake Does Nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jake does nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> exactly what it says on the tin, and also from jake's point of view!
> 
> this chapter lowkey two-parter and linked to the next chapter coming up, but basically get ready for peraltiago and a lot of extra serves of feelings that you did not order but you're really glad came anyways.
> 
> i waaaas gonna post it all in one chapter but i realized it was getting waaaaay too long so! here we are kids.

TUESDAY

“Hello underlings! I’ve decided to take this class seriously!” Jake declares as he walks into his Criminal Law class, and out of the corner of his eye he can see Professor Holt looking mildly amused (Jake has learned to read his expressions by now and was very proud of this fact).

“Have you not been taking my class seriously this whole time, Mr.Peralta?” Holt asks deadpan, and Jake turns towards him.

“I meant more seriously, of course. Don’t make this weird, sir.” Jake turns back to his peers, who aren’t all in their seats yet as for the first time, Jake Peralta is _early._ “I am going to take this class _more_ seriously than ever before! Watch out, Santiago!” Amy looks up from where she’s scribbling furiously in her notebook, but instead of giving a snarky response like he thought she would, she looks back down and scribbles even harder. Jake frowns for a second, but gets distracted as the Professor speaks again.

“I admit, it is shocking that you are early to class for once.”

“You proud of me?” Jake gives Holt a goofy grin. Holt stares back at him, face appearing neutral to the unseeing eye, however Jake could tell that Holt was definitely _slightly_ impressed by his earliness. Mission accomplished.

“For showing up on time like the rest of your classmates have for the past month and a half?” Holt pauses for the dramatics. “No, Jacob, I am _not_ proud of you.” Holt turns his attention to something on his desk, signalling that he was done with the conversation. Jake’s grin grows wider.

“Hah! But you called me Jacob, so really you _are_ proud. No takesies-backsies.” Jake doesn’t wait for a response, nor does he expect one. He turns away and makes his way to his seat in the front row, before turning around to bother the person behind him. “Hey Ames, I’m early like you. I’m _so_ gonna win this bet.” Amy shuts her notebook almost instantly and looks up to face Jake.

“I was here thirty minutes before you showed up. And nice try, Peralta, showing up early doesn’t mean you’re going to do any better in this class.” Normally, this would be a totally regular thing for Amy to say, but Jake could here the frustration(?) in her tone and frowned. When Jake didn’t say anything for a moment, Amy took this as an invitation to open her notebook again and resume her furious scribbling. Jake stares at her for a long time before deciding to speak again.

“Hey Ames,” Jake says, and she _blatantly_ ignores him, and he really doesn’t like this rude Amy, so he tries again. “Amy.” He uses her actual name this time, and that seems to do it as she finally looks up at him, annoyance clear on her face.

“What, Jake?” Amy snaps, and Jake feels as though he’s done something wrong.

“Did I do something wrong?” he asks almost immediately, and he curses at himself because not everything was about him and it totally could be about something else. Amy bites her lip and just looks at him for what feels like an eternity before she speaks again.

“No.” Which definitely sounds like he _did_ do something wrong.

“Okay...” Jake says lamely, and they continue their tacit game of staring for another minute or so. “Soooo you wanna talk about what’s bothering you?” he asks hopefully, trying to put some cheeriness back into his voice. “Because something’s obviously bothering you.” Amy narrows her eyes at him, as if trying to decipher if he had a hidden agenda even though his question was perfectly innocent.

“Nothing’s bothering me except you right now.” Amy looks almost guilty by the harshness of her tone, but she doesn’t comment on it. Jake continues frowning, but he nods once, sharply, getting the message that rude Amy was actually very angry Amy and that very angry Amy might be very angry at _him._

“Right, okay, cool. Cool, cool, cool. I’ll just...yeah. Cool.” Jake turns around to face the front of the class, not sure what to do. He nibbles on his lip nervously and considers turning around again to press her some more. He makes eye contact with Holt at the front of the room, who raises an eyebrow at him as if to say ‘so you’re just going to let her be upset what kind of friend are you’, and Jake mentally curses Holt and his very expressive eyebrow. Jake swirls back around to face Amy, who had again resumed writing in her notebook. He watches her for a second before gathering courage to speak again.

“Actually, not cool. Very far from cool. This is not cool, Amy!” Amy looks up again, clearly surprised that Jake had decided to push her into talking with him. “You are clearly upset, and if it’s not me, than I would like to know what it is, because you’re like, my best friend, and I care about whether you’re upset or not, and obviously you’re upset because otherwise you wouldn’t be snapping at me like this, and also if it’s not me then why didn’t you respond to the memes I sent you last night because I know you check your social media right before you go to sleep because of your crippling fear of missing out and I also know you go to sleep at ten unless you have a test the next day and last night I texted you at nine so you had lots of time to see my messages and—”

“Jake!” Amy interrupts, and Jake realizes he hadn’t taken a breath since he started talking and takes a giant breath that almost makes him keel over. “God, Jake, take a breath.” Amy had put down her pen and closed her notebook at this point and was now looking at him with a little bit of concern and a dash of that annoyance she displayed earlier. Jake inhales the air around him and _wow_ is it just him or is the air in here extremely dry? He makes a mental note to ask Holt to buy a purifier for the class.

“I’m fine.” Jake says in a not-fine voice, and he continues breathing in the desert air while waiting for her to respond. She actually looks guilty now, which somehow makes Jake feel bad, but at least she doesn’t look mad anymore, and he takes this as a good win.

“It’s not exactly…” Amy begins, then sighs. “It’s not you, Jake. Don’t worry. And I did see your memes last night, I just didn’t feel like responding.”

“Oh. Okay.” Jake runs a nervous hand over the back of his neck. “So do you wanna talk about it?” Jake offers again, unsure of what else to do. Amy looks away from him, unable to meet his eyes.

“Um, I’m not sure that’s a good idea.” Amy says carefully, with a tone that suggests ‘I don’t want to talk about it with you’. Stupid suggestive eyebrows and tones.

“Oh.” he says again. “So you want to talk about it, just not with...me?” Amy looks even more guilty at this point, confirming his thoughts. For some reason, this is his tipping point. “Right, okay yeah, we’re not that close anyways I guess. We only, what, text every day. Hang out all the time. Gossip about our stupid friends. Get drunk together. Yeah, non-best friend things sure, sure, sure.” Jake knows he sounds bitter and probably a lot like a whiny child, but really what could Amy possibly not want to talk to _him_ about? He thought they could talk to each other about everything.

He regrets telling her his Nana calls him ‘Pineapples’. That was a thing you tell best friends.

“Jake,” Amy says tiredly, but she doesn’t actually say anything else. Jake narrows his eyes at her. He is absolutely determined to find out what’s bothering Amy, but for now he’ll have to settle for passive-aggressive jabs to make himself feel better.

“Alright, _non-best friend,_ I got homework to do so I can win against you, my non-best friend, in a bet we made, because that’s what people who aren’t best friends do, make bets.” Amy bites her lip, obviously trying to hold back a response. She fails.

“You and Holt made a bet.” Amy reluctantly points out.

“Whatever, _non-best friend!_ ” Jake snarks back, then makes a show of harshly turning around in his seat.

* * *

“Jacob, a word?” Holt asks as Jake is about to leave the class, and he begrudgingly turns around to face the Professor. Holt waits until the rest of the class has left, including Amy, who gives Jake a curious side glance but nothing more as she quickly exits the room.

“What’s up?” Jake asks casually, and Holt gives him a _look_ as he walks back to his desk and takes a seat. Jake fidgets with the straps of his backpack.

“Have a seat, Peralta.” Holt gestures to the chair by the side of his desk, and Jake takes a seat, growing more confused by the second. What could warrant a _seat_ conversation?

“I noticed you and Santiago having...issues, this class.” Holt says carefully. Jake runs a hand through his hair and shifts in his seat uncomfortably. Why was the chair so hard? “Normally I would not get involved with such _frivolous_ things, but you were more distracted than usual this class, as was Santiago.”

“We’re fine. Amy’s just being a bad friend. I think. I don’t know. Maybe I’m being a bad friend?” Jake purses his lips in thought, and Holt waits patiently for him to continue. “Something’s bothering her, and she doesn’t want tell me what. Me, as in her bestest friend. Besides her pen, of course.”

Holt sits there for a moment, and Jake can see a million thoughts running through his head. “Maybe it’s something to do with you.” Holt suggests, and Jake shakes his head

“No, she said it wasn’t.” But that didn’t actually reassure Jake that she _didn’t_ have an issue with him. “I mean, I don’t think I did anything wrong. At least not recently. In fact, I’ve been an extra good friend recently. I helped her find her pen at like two in the morning, and I watched over her when she got drunk to make sure she didn’t turn into a pervert around the guy she likes. I also helped her secure a _date_ with the guy she likes.” Jake shifts in his seat again. He makes another mental note to ask Holt to buy better chairs; this one won’t let him slouch.

“Have you spoken to her other friends?” This is actually a good suggestion.

“No, but I just can’t believe she wouldn’t tell me what’s wrong. Assuming, of course, that it has nothing to do with me whatsoever. Do you think it has something to do with me?” Why wouldn’t Holt answer that question?

Holt ignores his questions. “It could be extremely personal. I remember once when Kevin and I had a quarrel because—”

“A Quirrell? Like the turban dude from Harry Potter?”

Holt closes his eyes for a moment before continuing. “A _fight_ . Kevin and I had a _fight_ , because I failed to tell him that I had been mugged a few days prior. He was upset because he said that he had a right to know if his husband had been stabbed—”

“ _You were stabbed?”_ Jake squeaks, and Holt holds up a hand. Jake shuts his mouth but his eyes are still bulging. Holt was more bad ass than he thought.

“ _Lightly_ stabbed. But I was too embarrassed to admit that fact, and so I chose not to tell Kevin.” Holt pauses, studying Jake’s reaction carefully. “Do you see the point I am attempting to make?”

Jake has zero ideas as to the point Holt is trying to make, and he blames it on the fact that the chair he’s in is so incredibly bad for his back that he can’t help but be distracted.

“Amy was stabbed but she’s too embarrassed to tell me?” Jake tries weakly, but Holt merely shakes his head.

“No, that the issue bothering her could be embarrassing for her, thus explaining her anger towards you that you misinterpreted as being _about_ you, and also explaining why she might not be inclined to tell you because you are a...close friend of hers.”

“We’re best friends. Say best friends.”

“I will not.”

“Your loss.”

“Do you understand what I have told you, Peralta?” Holt asks seriously, and Jake nods. “You are Kevin in this situation—”

“Yup, got it.”

“I am Santiago—”

“Yeah, I got—”

“The stabbing represents the issue that is bothering Santiago—”

“Sir—”

“And implies that the issue may be embarrassing for her.”

“Okay, okay, yeah, I got it. But Amy should know that she can’t possibly be any more embarrassing around me. I’ve seen her drunk! That is the most embarrassing a person can get!”

“You should not be talking about inebriation to one of your superiors, Peralta. It is very inappropriate.”

“You’re not my superior, you’re like my daaaaaaa—friend. I was gonna say friend. You heard it. Friend. Alright, cool, I’m gonna go now, bye Dad. Friend. Bye girlfrieeeeend. No, that’s bad. I’m just gonna go?” Jake quickly gets up and rushes out the door, not wanting to see or hear Holt’s reaction to his ramblings.

Stupid dad issues.

As he turns the corner of the classroom door, he runs straight into someone and falls harshly to the ground. “Ohmygodsorry.” the other person says, and Jake looks up blearily from the floor to see non-best friend Amy Santiago standing there looking extremely distressed. She quickly holds out a hand to him, which he takes gratefully, and she pulls him into a standing position. He releases her hand, albeit reluctantly, as her hand is actually very soft and he makes a third mental note to ask what hand cream she uses.

“Sorry, that was on me. I was rushing out of Holt’s classroom ‘cause—no, you don’t need to know that. Um, I’m gonna go. He’s all yours.” Jake picks up his backpack that somehow came off his back during the fall and readies to make a quick getaway. He’d figure out how to deal with Holt said later. Maybe during a game of Halo with Terry. Or going bowling with Charles. Charles would probably—

“No, Jake, I came to find you, actually. Can we talk?” 

“Yeah, of course. What’s up?” Jake can feel the nerves in his leg start to vibrate.

“Uh, well, first off, I’m sorry—”

“Okay, yeah, no,” Jake interrupts, and Amy looks at him, confused. “I should be the one saying sorry. I reacted poorly because I want to know everything and I didn’t think for a second that you might be embarrassed about it—”

“Embarrassed?” Amy says slowly, and Jake nods. “You think I’m embarrassed about—wait, do you _know?_ What did Gina tell you? Or Charles? God, Charles is physically incapable of keeping a secret!” Amy scrunches her nose like she does when she’s angry, and Jake is too confused to even acknowledge how cute it is. 

“What? No, I don’t—what? Charles and Gina knew before me? Amy!”

“I’m sorry, Jake! It wasn’t something I could just tell you!”

“But why not me! We’re basically best friends! I’ve showered at your place and you’ve slept in my room!”

“Is that what constitutes as best friends?!”

“ _You know what I mean, Santiago!”_ They both stare at each other for a second.

“Why are we yelling? Are you mad?” Amy asks in a much quieter voice, and Jake pauses to think.

“No,” he begins carefully, “But I still wanna know what’s up with you. What couldn’t you tell me, Ames?” Jake realizes he actually sounds kind of possibly maybe a _lot_ hurt, and he curses himself and his dumb emotions.

“Okay, well, the reason I’ve been sort of...angry? And ignoring you is...uh, actually, I wrote out what I was going to say, can I read that instead? I didn’t have time to memorize it on the way over so…” Amy reaches into her side bag and pulls out a folder, from while she extracts a crisp lined sheet of paper.

“Wow, only one page?” Jake jokes, trying not to wonder what could possibly be so bad that she had to outline and draft and final copy what she was going to say.

“Well, I would have wrote more, but I had to rush here so I could catch you before you left.” Amy clears her throat before beginning. “‘Dear Jake, I apologize for my actions and behaviour towards you during our Criminal Law class as it was clear to me that this drastically affected your focus and overall readiness to learn.’”

“But I’m never focused _or_ ready to learn—” Jake begins.

“Hush. ‘The reason I acted this way was because of a date I had yesterday with Teddy Wells, which—”

“So it’s not about me?”

“Jake, let me finish!”

“Sorry, keep going.”

“‘The reason I acted this way was because of a date I had yesterday with Teddy Wells, which did not end the way I had hoped it would end.’ Don’t say sex.” Amy narrows her eyes at Jake, who had already opened his mouth to speak. “Anyways,‘after confronting him about what had gone wrong during our date, and after speaking with Gina and Charles, I have come to the conclusion that I may have unknowingly developed feelings for you that may be considered slightly more than platonic. In light of this new revelation, if you would like to terminate our friendship because of this shift in our currently _platonic_ relationship, I would be very—’”

“Wait, hold on, so this is your weirdly professional way of saying you like me? Like, _like_ like me? Like, romantic-stylez but instead of the ‘s’ at the end of styles it’s a ‘z’ _like me?_ ” Jake knows he’s rambling at this point, but his brain is trying to process the never-ending loop of ‘Amy likes me’. He watches Amy blush, and he thinks it’s absolutely _adorable_.

“I mean...yes?” Amy uses her free hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ears. “I didn’t really realize anything at first, but then Gina suggested something that night you showered at our place, then Teddy said all I did was talk about you during our date, then Gina and Charles said I _loved_ you, and then I spent the rest of yesterday freaking out and trying to decide whether or not I even liked you, like, _liked you_ liked you. Romantic-stylez. And turns out I do, so...” Amy trails off and looks at him expectantly, her face now a very concentrated color of pink.

Jake begins internally freaking out.

But it’s okay, because it’s a good kind of freak out. Like a ‘you’ve won the lottery and you can quit your minimum wage job now’ freak out. Or a ‘Bruce Willis is in your dorm and he wants to be your friend’ freak out.

Jake looks at Amy Santiago and thinks this freak out beats both of those freak outs by _miles_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sort of a cliff hanger? does it constitute as a cliff hanger when there's no real angst?
> 
> also ngl i am totally freaked out by how much i've written PLUS how much you guys like my story??? like wow i started this for fun at first not really expecting it to gain any traction but damn, you guys are the sweetest and it makes me so happy that you love these two dorks as much as i do.
> 
> as always, everything and anything you can give me in the comments, my loves! <3


	12. Jake Does Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jake gets Real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is kinda short sorry guys! but it's basically just a direct continuation from the last chapter except with excessive Feelings. enjoy!

“Okay, uhhh, this is a lot to take in.” Jake starts, and he feels like he’s asking Charlotte in twelfth grade to go to the prom with him all over again. “I would ask you for time to write a letter too but we both know how long it takes me to write essays. Hah. Uhm, okay, so… here’s the thing—no, Ames, don’t look like that, I’m not going to ‘terminate’ our friendship or whatever, don’t be ridiculous.” Amy lets out a long breath that Jake didn’t even realize she had been holding. Jake gives her a reassuring smile. “Okay, so, _here’s the thing_ , I...may have unknowingly developed feelings for you too. Non-platonic ones. Romantic-stylez, right back at ya.” Jake stops there before he can embarrass himself any further by tumbling over his words, and he patiently waits for Amy’s reaction and _wow_ his heartbeat is really loud right now. He wonders if she can hear it, because it’s literally _everything_ he hears right now.

Hearts were weird.

Amy’s face brightens after her mind processes what Jake had just said, and for a second she looks _very_ happy, but she seems to think of something and suddenly her happy face is gone and Jake would do _anything_ to bring it back—

“You’re serious, right? ‘Cause if not our friendship is—” 

“No, Ames, I’m serious. Like, a hundred and ten percent. Super serious.” Jake grins at her, and he watches her mouth quirk up a little in amusement. His heart does a little flip.

“If you’re over a hundred percent then you’re not serious because a hundred percent is the maximum amount of percent and anything over that—”

“Amy!”

“Sorry,” she says, but she’s grinning back at him anyways, and Jake can feel something really warm in his chest and it’s an _extremely_ weird but nice feeling. They both stand there for a second, unsure of how to continue with these new revelations.

“Do you feel weird right now?” Jake blurts out, and keeps going before the odd silence can take over. “Like, something’s up with your chest and also there’s a loud drumming noise in your ear and you’re pretty sure that’s your heart but you’re not entirely sure?” Amy laughs at this, and though Jake’s not entirely sure why him hearing his heart in his head is funny, he feels whatever tension that was there between them fade away.

“Yes, Jake, I feel very weird right now.” Amy continues to grin at him, and Jake feels his organs do a bunch of somersaults in his body. That was new. He makes a fourth mental note to ask Holt if he suddenly discovered a new feeling. “But...I thought you were still trying to get with Sophia. Or whatever.” Amy says, almost casually like she couldn’t care either way, but Jake can hear the touch of worry in her tone, and he gives her a reassuring smile and shrugs.

“Nah, I meant what I said. It didn’t feel...right, with her. Like, she’s really cool and all, but, y’know, my organs didn’t do somersaults when she talked to me.”

Amy blinks. “...And it does with me? Also, is that safe?”

“Yes it does and is it safe, I have absolutely no clue but my organs are flipping out like crazy right now Ames, and it’s all because of you.” Amy blushes again, and Jake smiles at her fondly. “Look, I may not have realized it before, but I’ve been spending like, an awful lot of time thinking about you. Not in a creepy way though,” Jake says hurriedly, and Amy giggles a bit. “But in a romantic I-can’t-get-you-out-of-my-mind type of thing. And okay, I thought it was us just being really good friends, and okay, I told Charles multiple times that you were the human equivalent to a textbook—”

“What?”

“—But that’s just ‘cause I hate feelings and I really liked you and didn’t wanna mess this up—us up. Denial is my hometown, and I live in it—” Jake cringes. “Gross. Let me try again. Ames, I like you a lot, but I have issues that might make me incapable of love. Wait, that’s not what I wanted to _say_ —”

“Jake,” Amy interrupts softly, and there’s something in her eyes that makes Jake shut up and listen. “Let’s go to my dorm and talk instead.” Amy reaches down and takes his hand in hers. Jake stares at their hands for a moment, intertwined in front of them, and he finds that he really likes the feeling of her hand in his. He turns their hands around, examining it almost, the way they seemed to fit perfectly together, like puzzle pieces. He wiggles his fingers slightly in her grip, and she wiggles hers back in response. He grins.

“Your hand is really soft.” Jake says without thinking, eyes still fixed on their joined hands, and Amy looks pleased.

“Thank you. It’s a hand lotion by Beyoncé. Gina bought it and I may or may not have stolen it.” Amy replies, and they start walking away from the classroom they have been standing outside of for the past twenty minutes, hands intertwined and swinging slightly with every step.

“Is Gina at the dorm?” Jake asks, hoping he doesn’t sound too hopeful that Gina won’t be there. Not that he planned to do anything like _that,_ but he would at least like to kiss her at least, or make-out a little, or watch a movie while she cuddles in his arms. Something like that.

“Nope.” Amy says, and Jake can’t help but feel grateful for her absence. “She claims ‘Mario’ is taking her out on a date tonight.” Jake makes a face at this.

“It still makes no sense how _none_ of us remember Mario at the party from that night.” Jake pouts, and Amy conducts her patented Santiago eye-roll.

“Because Gina’s _lying_ , Jake, there _is_ no ‘boyfriend Mario Lopez’. There’s absolutely no way Gina’s dating A.C. Slater.” Jake can’t help but snort.

“You underestimate Gina. She once got Jackson Riley from seventh grade to ask her to the Snow Ball.”

“So?” Amy says with a raised brow, and Jake smirks.

“She was in _third_ grade.”

Amy stays silent for a moment. “Wow.”

“Yeah.” They continue strolling through the halls, hand in hand, and Jake can’t remember a time he felt happier; their conversation was going smooth, despite the initial awkwardness of the ‘expressing of feelings’, and maybe it wasn’t exactly bursting with joy sunshine and lollipops and rainbows everywhere happiness, but it was a nice, warm feeling of contentment, something he hadn’t felt since...well, since his dad had left or when Jenny Gildenhorn promised him a slow dance at his Bar Mitzvah.

The warm contentment meant so much more.

“Can I ask you something?” Amy asks after some comfortable silence, and he turns his head slightly to look at her, curious.

“What’s up?” She suddenly looks very shy and nervous, so Jake gives her a reassuring smile, despite his nerves acting up again.

“When did you...know. About us, I mean. About me.” Amy kicks a little at the ground with her steps.

“Oh.” Jake stops walking and Amy stops beside him, looking at him questioningly. He moves to stand right in front of her and purses his lips for a moment, gathering his thoughts, and Amy stands there patiently waiting, her gaze fond, and she gives his hand a slight squeeze. Jake clears his throat before beginning. “Well, it wasn’t just some sudden epiphany like you see in movies. It was like...like one day we were friends, and then it just sort of gradually started to feel like more than that. I’d look at you and you weren’t just Amy Santiago, you were Ames, and I…it didn’t really fully hit me until that morning after, when I was out with Charles buying a new Die Hard poster. I realized then that I probably ruined your chances with Teddy, and I felt absolutely terrible. Like, horrible. Because you obviously liked this guy—”

“Jake—”

“No, Ames, let me finish.” Amy bites her lip, clearly wanting to say more, but instead she just nods and lets him talk. “I felt bad, but at the same time… I felt glad. Like, really glad. Because I didn’t want you going out with another guy when you could go out with me.” Jake feels his face flush at this admission. “But I couldn’t just let—I texted Teddy later on and told him everything was my idea and then he told me he was gonna take you on a date and...yeah. Then Gina texted me and told me that I was an idiot and that _I_ should be the one asking you out on a date, and I got all flustered and starting ignoring her messages and—” Jake cuts himself off, closing his eyes for a moment. When he opens them, he sees Amy still standing there, staring at him like he was...something more than he was. And she’s waiting patiently, just because he asked her to, and she’s looking at him with her adorably round eyes and Jake wonders briefly _why_ that’s adorable but it doesn’t really _matter_ because all that matters is _her_.

His brain is still singing that endless loop of ‘Amy likes me’ and he _really_ doesn’t mind.

She gives his hand another squeeze, and hand squeezes are what keeps him going now, apparently, and he opens his mouth to continue. 

“I didn’t wake up one morning and suddenly decide I wanted to be with you.” Jake says quietly, his voice more vulnerable than he would like it to be. “The idea of wanting to be with you just grew on me. _You_ grew on me. I would be studying one day and I’d think, I wonder what Amy’s doing. Or I’d go out and I’d see a binder and I’d think, Amy would hate it because the front pocket’s not flush enough to the front of the binder. And then I just realized, I was always thinking about you.” Jake grabs her other hand, and their linked hands fall to rest in the gap in front of them. Amy’s still staring at him, but her smile’s more warm now, more bright and more inviting. “You distract me more than any toy or video game or Die Hard movie possibly could, and I wanna be distracted by you every single day because you’re...you’re amazing, Ames, you really are, and I really hope you know that.” Amy’s practically beaming now, and despite that fact Jake still finds himself somehow feeling extremely insecure and incredibly anxious; maybe that was too much because Amy’s removing her hands from his and really he’s always hated feelings and maybe he should apologize—?

_Oh._

Amy’s hands move to either side of his face instead, her fingertips soft against the skin of his cheeks, and she pulls him down towards her in one swift motion and their lips meet perfectly in the middle and their noses touch and he can feel her body moving closer to him and everything is _perfect._

His lips move with hers and it feels so natural, the way their heads tilt in the opposite directions, the way one of her hands is lightly gripping his hair and the other is caressing the nape of his neck, the way his hands run it’s way up her back and hold her there in his arms.

It feels like second nature, kissing Amy Santiago.

Their kiss wasn’t rough or hungry; there was no pressure, no indication of needing to go further; it was a simple kiss, soft and caring, and full of a warmth Jake didn’t even know he was missing. His hands are steady as they pull her in closer, her body flush with his, and if he was in the right mind he would probably feel a little weird doing this so publicly in the dorm hall but he’s _not_ in the right mind and therefore he couldn’t give less of a damn.

All five of his senses are filled with the thought of _Amy_ playing on repeat, much like a broken record, and he finds that he _really_ doesn’t mind.

They pull apart after what feels like hours, but he keeps his hands on her back, and the hand in his hair meets the other hand on the back of this neck, soft and gentle. Amy’s lips are all pink and shiny and she looks extremely flush and a little embarrassed somehow, and it’s a sight Jake hopes he can see every day. Multiple times if he’s lucky.

Right now, he feels real damn lucky.

“Hey,” he says softly, a little breathlessly, and Amy smiles shyly at him.

“Hey,” she replies, and she turns her head to glance in the direction behind her. “Wanna go to my dorm now?” Her voice is calm, if a little breathless, but there’s something in her eyes that tells him that once they go to the dorm, things are going to be _far_ from being calm.

“Yes,” he answers, as clearly as he can. It could be the huskiness of his voice from the kissing or the slight tone of desperation that shines through his ‘yes’, but either way it makes Amy lick her lips and give him a look that he’s never seen before, and he knows he’s never seen it because if he had, they would have done all of ‘this’ _ages_ ago.

Amy moves to take his hand in hers once more, and they make their way down the hall to her dorm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what you think LMAO feelings for me are also #rough so i tried to channel that when i was writing jake's pov haha. dunno if it's just me but when i start to feel like extremely hHhhHhhH i can literally heAR my heart beating and everything in my body goes flippy floppy???
> 
> anyways! everything is appreciated as always. :)


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